Time Travel, Insanity, and a Whole Lot of Noodles
by BouncyBluePenguinv2
Summary: When Team Rocket takes over the world, it's up to Ash, Misty, Tracey, Brock, and a sometimes invisible Pikachu to go back in time (using Professor Douglas-Fir's time machine) and prevent it from happening. However, they only start to mess things up more..
1. In Which People Ask Stupid Questions

**Chapter 1: In Which People Ask Stupid Questions**

((I'm reposting this without the author's notes, except where necessary, because they were stupid and pointless and mostly just said things like "OMG I HAVE NEW SOCKS ON YAY."

By the way, I am assuming that the entire TV series up to the end which hasn't happened yet takes place over three years. The beginning of this story takes place six years after the estimated end of the series, and the rest takes place about five and a half years earlier than the first part.

And by the way, all further stuff in (())s is author's note type stuff. Not that you'll be seeing much of that anymore.

Got it?

Good, now explain it to me.))

-----------------------------------------

"…And that's the procedure," said Professor Douglas-Fir (successor to Professor Oak), straightening her white lab coat and brushing some invisible dust off of it. "Any questions?"

"Will we be able to get back from the past?" Misty asked, looking slightly worried.

"Of course," said Professor Douglas-Fir shortly. "I wouldn't send you back if I had not first ensured that it was possible for you to get back… er, forward… that is to say, possible for you to return to your proper time."

"Oh, that's good." Misty looked relieved.

"How will we get back?" Ash asked, showing, oddly enough, that he'd actually been paying attention to what was going on. This was the first and probably the last time in his life that he had done so.

"You'll get into your Time Traveling Device (tm) and set it for the present day according to the instructions in the manual that I will provide."

"I've got a question!" Brock interjected. "Will you go out with me next Friday?"

"No," said Professor Douglas-Fir. "You're six years younger than me. And even if you weren't I wouldn't date you. Any _other_ questions?" she asked, glaring at Brock.

"If we go back in time and change the past so that Team Rocket didn't take over the world, then you won't have built the time machine-"

"That's Time Traveling Device (tm)," interrupted Professor Douglas-Fir.

"All right, you won't have built your Time Traveling Device (tm), and you won't have sent us back because you won't need to, but then we wouldn't have gone back and if we didn't go back we won't have defeated Team Rocket, so-"

"Tracey, will you please stop? You're going to give me a headache," Professor Douglas-Fir said. "And your use of verb tenses is simply atrocious. Anyway, I really don't know what will happen with paradoxes like that, but time travel is important to the plot. No time travel no story, so you're just going to have to suspend your disbelief for the time being, all right?"

"What?" Ash, Misty, Brock, and Tracey stared at Professor Douglas-Fir blankly.

"Never mind. Don't ask. Any _other_ questions?" The professor was clearly getting fed up.

"Will we run into our past selves? What will happen if we do?" Misty asked.

"You shouldn't meet them at all, but if you do, nothing will happen. You'll just be two ordinary separate people. Of course, if anything should happen to the younger one of you, it will have consequences for the older one; but once again, your younger selves shouldn't be near where I'm sending you."

"Okay."

"Any other questions, or can we get going now?" Professor Douglas-Fir asked impatiently.

"Yeah… when's lunch?" said Ash.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer," replied Professor Douglas-Fir. Ash gave her a blank look.

"_Anyway_," Professor Douglas-Fir said annoyedly which is a word, because I said so, "right over here is your Time Traveling Device (tm). I've preprogrammed it to the time you want to go back to. The manual's in this compartment here. When you're ready to go, press the large red button."

"Which large red button?" Ash looked puzzled.

"The one that says, 'Press to Go,'" replied Professor Douglas-Fir, who was by now quite fed up with the lot of them. "Go on then, go."

"Can I have your phone number first, so that I can give you a call when we get back?" Brock asked.

"_No_," replied Professor Douglas-Fir, who looked like she was ready to seriously injure the next person who talked.

"Then how about your e-mail address?" Brock continued, oblivious to his impending doom. "Or your pager number? Have you got a pager number? Because I realize that not everyone-"

"Oh, come _on_, Brock," Misty said, grabbing his ear and dragging him into the Time Traveling Device (tm), thus saving him from Professor Douglas-Fir's wrath. "Honestly, I've known you for, what, nine years, and you haven't changed at _all,_" she said. "Did you stop aging mentally at fifteen or something?"

"Oh yeah," Brock said, rapidly trying to think of an insult, which he wasn't that good at. "Well… well… you haven't changed your outfit at all in nine years! And your hair is really weird. How do you get it to stick out to one side like that, anyway?"

Misty completely failed to be insulted. "Is that the best you can do?"

Tracy sighed. "Come on, guys, stop bickering. Let's go."

So they closed the doors of the Time Traveling Device (tm), and pressed the large red button.


	2. In Which They Arrive In The Past and Thi...

**Chapter 2: In Which They Arrive in the Past and Things Begin to Get Confusing**

"Ouch," said pretty much everyone as the Time Traveling Device (tm) landed with a thud on the ground. They stood up, dusted themselves off, and stepped outside. They seemed to be in a grassy field in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" asked Misty, looking around.

"More importantly, where's Team Rocket?" Tracy added.

"And most importantly of all," Ash put in, "where's the nearest restaurant?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "You," she said, "have got a one-track mind."

"I do _not_!" Ash protested. "I think about other stuff, too!"

"Oh yeah?" said Misty skeptically. "Like what?"

"Like... uh... Pokemon battles! I think about those a lot."

"...Or you did, before you beat every single gym leader and elite trainer in existence. I still wonder how you did that, by the way, since 99.9 of the time you had no clue what you were doing."

"Pika," said Pikachu, as if to say "I might've had something to do with that."

"Pikachu!" exclaimed Ash. "I didn't know you'd come with us!"

Here it must be explained that Pikachu had become occasionally invisible due to an accident involving experimental machinery, explosive chemicals, two jars of jelly, and an old sock. Ash had left Pikachu at home, not wanting to put the Pokemon into a situation where if they failed, they'd be a lot worse off than just having their eyes go all spirally for a few minutes. However, Pikachu, not wanting to leave Ash alone to do something incredibly stupid, had invisibly followed them. Any questions?

Well, too bad, because we're continuing with the story anyway.

"It's really great to see you, Pikachu. But, you know, you really shouldn't be here. It might be dangerous," Ash continued, sounding slightly concerned. But only slightly.

"Pika," said Pikachu stubbornly.

"Well, I guess now that you're here we have no choice but to take you along with us," Ash told it.

"Pika pi!" Pikachu said happily, jumping onto Ash's head.

"Okay, you guys, we really should get going," Misty said, picking up her backpack which conveniently happened to have been there all along.

"Get going _where_?" asked Tracy. "We don't know where we are or where we're supposed to be."

"Well, we'll go find someone who can tell us either or both of those, then," Misty said. "We'll go... that way." And she marched decisively off in a random direction.

Ash, Brock, Tracy, and Pikachu sighed and set off after her.

They walked for a while in the random direction that Misty had picked without seeing a single person.

"You know, Misty," said Ash, "I'm starting to think that this was a really bad idea."

"Shut up," said Misty.

"I mean, we've been walking for hours and we haven't even seen a trainer trying to catch the giant bug Pokemon that always live in grass fields like this."

Misty sighed. "You are _so_ immature, Ash." Then she looked around her nervously. "There aren't _really_ giant bugs here, are there?"

"You never know," Ash grinned, "there might be."

But Misty's attention had been drawn away from giant bugs for the moment. Instead she was looking intently at a figure that was approaching them. The person was short and skinny, with orange hair that stuck out to one side, and she was wearing a yellow tank top, denim shorts, and red suspenders.

"I think... I think that's _me_," Misty breathed.


	3. In Which Misty Meets Her Past Self

**Chapter 3: In Which Misty Meets Her Past Self**

"Yeah, it's gotta be you," Ash said. "No one else has that weird hair that sticks out to the side like yours does. Or wears that outfit."

Misty was too preoccupied with watching her past self approach to notice that Ash had insulted her. "But... but I shouldn't be here! I was... am... should be in Cerulean City six years ago- that is to say, now!"

"Well, we don't know where we are," Ash said. "We could be near Cerulean City."

"Cerulean City? Here? Ha. I know the area around Cerulean City quite well, and this is _not_ it."

"Who _are_ you?" asked Past-Misty as she reached the group.

"I'm you," said Misty.

"That is," Tracy added, "she will be. Was, I mean. She was you. You will be her..." He trailed off, seeing the uncomprehending look on Past-Misty's face. "Never mind."

"Ooo-kay," said Past-Misty. "I didn't understand any of that, but... okay."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Misty asked. "You should be in Cerulean City."

"Huh?" said Past-Misty. "Why?"

"Because that's where I remember you- that is to say, me- being six years ago!" Misty said, losing patience. "So go, before you mess up the... the..."

"Space-time continuum?" Tracy suggested.

"Er, yeah, what he said."

"...Okay, this is kinda hard to believe," Past-Misty said slowly. "But you look just like me, only older, so I guess I've got no choice but to believe you...?" She didn't sound very certain about it.

"Oh, just GO TO CERULEAN CITY, DAMN IT!" Misty yelled, losing her temper completely. "Or in a few minutes you might have messed my past up so much that I won't even BE here!"

Past-Misty was beginning to get angry as well. "Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?!"

"I'm _you_! ...well, at least, sort of."

"Then you should be able to tell me _why_ I've got to go to Cerulean City!"

"Because you... I... um, because I said so, that's why!" Misty didn't want to tell her past self that it was because she had to be in entirely the wrong place to stop Team Rocket from taking over the world. If Misty knew herself, which she rather thought she did, she wouldn't take that very well.

"So _prove_ you're my future self then," Past-Misty said. "If you can, then I guess I'll have to do what you say."

Misty thought for a minute, then leaned over and whispered something in Past-Misty's ear which saves me the trouble of having to think of a secret for her to have . Past-Misty looked embarrassed for a second, and then rather shocked.

"But no one knows that except-"

"Me," Misty finished for her. "And you, because you're me. Do you believe me now?"

"I guess so," Past-Misty said somewhat uncertainly, although she sounded more sure of it than she had before.

"THEN GO TO CERULEAN CITY ALREADY!" Misty shouted.

"But... but how will I get there?" Past-Misty asked.

"I don't care how you get there, just so long as you _go_!" Misty yelled.

"Okay," squeaked Past-Misty, and left, presumably to get the soonest possible boat or train to Cerulean City.

"Well, I'm glad that's over with," Misty said, as if meeting your past self was something that happened all the time (and far too often for her tastes), and also as if she hadn't been screaming just under a minute ago. She sighed. "I suppose we'd better get going now?"

"Going where?" asked Brock. "It's not as though we've got a destination. We don't even know where we are."

"I may be able to help you with that," said a voice behind them.


	4. In Which They Meet A Very Familiar Pokem...

**Chapter 4: In Which They Meet a Very Familiar Pokémon Researcher and a Nonconformist Jigglypuff**

"Wha...?" said Misty, Brock, Ash, and Tracy, all more or less at the same time.

"Pika?" said Pikachu, who wasn't currently invisible.

They all turned around to see a young woman, about Brock's age, standing behind them.

She was dressed in a plain white shirt and grey pants, and her brown hair, which was not spiky and didn't stick out in any way, was pulled back very tightly. She had rather large glasses. Despite all this, she was quite pretty- well, Brock thought so, anyway.

"Hello, you are the most amazingly beautiful woman I've ever seen. Would you please be so kind as to tell me your name?"

Ash rolled his eyes, but Tracy and Misty (who was resisting the temptation to drag Brock away by the ear) were staring at the young woman surreptitiously- well, they hoped that it was surreptitious, anyway- trying to figure out who she reminded them of. She looked quite familiar.

"My name is Brynna Douglas-Fir," she said.

Misty and Tracy looked at each other. "Professor Douglas-Fir!" they mouthed in unison.

"I was going to tell you where you were," said not-yet-Professor Douglas-Fir. "But since he-" she didn't specify who she meant, but it was clear by the direction of her glare that it was Brock "seems to be completely mad and the rest of you appear to be idiots who can do nothing but stare and gape, I think I'll be on my way now. Good day."

"No, wait, Professor- I mean, um, Ms. Douglas-Fir!" Tracy (who was still not quite comfortable with calling her Brynna) shouted after her. "We apologise for Brock, and I'm really sorry for staring, it's just you reminded me of someone and I was trying to think of who it is, but anyway, would you _please_ come back and tell us where we are?"

"Why'd you call her Professor Douglas-Fir? She's not Professor Douglas-Fir. She just has the same last name," said Ash, who still hadn't gotten it.

Tracy ignored him. "Please?" he continued. "We're lost and we really need help."

Not-quite-Professor Douglas-Fir turned around. "Fine, if only to shut you up," she sighed. "You're on Erehwon Island."

"Erehwon Island?" Ash repeated.

"Yes, that's what I said," replied Brynna Douglas-Fir impatiently.

"I've never heard of it," Ash said.

"That," said sort-of-Professor Douglas-Fir, "might be because you are ignorant, but is more likely because it's a tiny little nowhere island and it has absolutely nothing interesting on it. Where did you come from, anyhow? You're traveling in the same direction I am, but there's only one town that way-" she pointed behind her "-and that's my town, and I would have known if you had lived there or even passed through it- I mean, it's tiny, and you're ahead of me so you must have started first."

"Would you believe me if I said that several months from now Team Rocket took over the world and six years from now your future self sent... will send... us back in time in a Time Traveling Device (tm) to foil their evil plans and prevent their takeover?" Brock asked, for some reason that his friends couldn't figure out.

Brynna I suppose we'll have to call her Brynna now, because she's not really Professor Douglas-Fir yet considered for a moment. "No," she said finally. "And your use of verb tenses is simply atrocious."

"Dejá vu, anyone?" Tracy muttered.

"Excuse me?" said Brynna. "What did you say?" She wasn't being snide; she was genuinely confused by his comment.

"Never mind," Tracy said quickly.

"Where are you going, by the way?" Misty asked, hoping to salvage the situation somehow.

"I fail to see what business it is of yours," Professor Douglas-Fir... I mean, Brynna... said haughtily.

"I was just wondering," Misty protested.

"Well, if you _must_ know, I was going to the port in Chartreuse City to catch a boat to Kanto. I was hoping to study there to become a Pokémon Researcher."

"What a coincidence," said Brock, "we're going to the port too! We're taking a boat to... um... er, wherever Team Rocket's headquarters are."

Brynna smiled condescendingly. "Goldenrod City, you mean?"

Brock gaped. "You know where Team Rocket's headquarters are? Not only are you beautiful but you're amazingly well-informed!"

Misty, Ash, and Tracy rolled their eyes. So did Brynna.

"Sure. It's only the worst kept secret in the world."

"It is?" said Brock, a little sheepishly.

"Yes. _Everyone_ knows where the headquarters are. It's not finding them that's the problem, it's getting inside. Honestly, where have you been living, under a rock? I mean, I knew that and I live on Erehwon Island for goodness sake!"

There was a long pause in which Tracy, Ash, Misty, and Brock looked rather embarrassed.

"Hey," Brynna said, eventually taking pity on them and trying to change the subject. "Didn't you-" she pointed to Ash- "have a Pikachu on your head a little while ago? Where did it go?"

Ash sweatdropped, realizing that Pikachu must have gone invisible again and he hadn't noticed before. He could still feel it sitting on his head, so he hadn't thought to check.

"It... er... ah... is taking a nap... in its Pokéball," he stammered out.

"Is it now?" said Brynna skeptically.

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"What's your Pikachu's name, by the way?"

"Its name is Pikachu."

"You named your Pikachu _Pikachu_?"

"Yes, I named it Pikachu. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Let me get this straight. It doesn't have a name, and you don't even know what gender it is. What kind of trainer _are_ you?" Brynna looked slightly disgusted.

"Yeah, I ask him that sometimes too," Misty said.

"Hey! I'm a very good trainer! I'll have you know that I've beaten every gym leader there is, thank you very much!"

"Oh, have you now?"

"Um, guys, are we going to get to the port today or are we just going to stand around and bicker?" Tracy interrupted.

"He's got a point. Let's go," said Misty.

"Right. 'Bye, Professor- uh, Brynna!" Ash (who seemed to have finally caught on- apparently he wasn't a _complete_ idiot) said, perhaps a bit too cheerfully.

"Not so fast."

"Huh?" said everyone (except Pikachu, who had enough sense to keep quiet when it was invisible).

"I'm going with you," said Brynna.

Brock looked elated. Misty, Ash, and Tracy looked terrified.

"You and I are going the same place," she continued. "And you're all such idiots that left on your own you're bound to do something unbelievably stupid. So I'm going with you, at least as far as the port in Chartreuse Town."

"No way, Ash, this is amazing," Misty teased. "A female has agreed to travel with us, and you didn't even have to break her bike first!"

"You're never going to let go of that one, are you? Even though I've already replaced your bike?"

"Just because I'm not _angry _about it anymore doesn't mean I can't still _tease_ you about it."

This would have been the start of yet another argument. However, just at that moment, a truly fearsome Pokémon- indeed, some might even argue that it was the most fearsome Pokémon of all, even worse than the giant bugs- stepped out of a giant plot hole.

It headed for Ash and his friends (and his not-friend as well), seeming to grow larger with each step. Its terrible eyes gleamed with malice (or so it seemed) as it opened its jaws wide.

"...Jiggly?" it said.

The two syllables struck fear into the hearts of our heroes.

Well, not so much fear as an insane, unreasoning terror.

"OH NO IT'S A JIGGLYPUFF OH NO OH NO IT'S GOING TO SING RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAAAAAAY!!!" yelled Ash. Misty, Brock, and Professor, um, Brynna reacted in a way that was quite similar, only not as loud. Only Tracy seemed unfazed.

"It's a Jigglypuff!" he exclaimed, pulling a sketchbook from his backpack. "How interesting! I think I'll draw it."

"Jiggly!" said the Jigglypuff happily. Its eyes lit up, and it took out its microphone and began to sing.

"Jig-a-lee-puff/Puff, Jigglypuff/A-Jig-lee-jigglypuff! /Jigglypuff, Jigglypu-uff/Jigglyjiggly puff!"

"Hey, that's not the Jigglypuff song!" exclaimed Ash.

"No, really?" said Brynna sarcastically. "I never would have guessed."

"What _is_ it, though?" Brock wondered.

"It's the theme song from the first season of the Pokémon TV show," Brynna told them. "You know, the one that goes 'I wanna be/The very best/Like no one ever was...'"

The others looked at her uncomprehendingly, and she trailed off.

"I believe I speak for all of us when I say, what the heck are you talking about?" Misty said.

Brynna looked just as bewildered as they, and somewhat embarrassed. "I'm not really sure," she said. "I don't even know why I said that. It made no sense."

Tracy continued sketching, oblivious to what was going on. The Jigglypuff continued singing.

"I wonder if... this Jigglypuff song... has... the same effects as..." Tracy yawned, and looked around him. Everyone else seemed to be fast asleep.

"Hmm... I guess I'll take that as a yes," he thought, as he drifted off as well.

"Jig-LEE!" said the Jigglypuff angrily, inflating like a balloon. It uncapped its microphone to reveal the marker beneath...

((Someone pointed out to me that it's only the Jigglypuff who travels with Ash & co. in the TV show that has a marker. Which is true, now that I think about it. But... well, this Jigglypuff comes from a plot hole, so it's allowed. And as for the cliche-ness of Jigglypuff having a marker, well, I wrote this a long time ago before I'd read much in the way of fanfiction, so I didn't knowany better. Sorry.))


	5. In Which They Take An Enormously Long Lu...

**Chapter 5: In Which They Take an Enormously Long Lunch Break**

Some hours after the Jigglypuff had attacked, everyone began to wake up.

"Ugh," Tracey said, "that jigglypuff colored on my drawing! Now it's ruined!"

Brynna was also angry. "That... that... _thing_ colored on my glasses! Oh, it will _pay _for this!"

Misty didn't seem quite so upset. "You all look so funny!" she laughed.

"Uh, Misty..." said Tracey.

"What?" asked Misty.

"You've got 'I Love Ash' written in big letters across your face."

"I _do_?" said Misty angrily. Then she paused for a moment. "Hey, since when can jigglypuffs write?"

"Since the author said so," said Brynna absently.

Misty gave her an odd look.

"I don't think that jigglypuffs is the proper plural for jigglypuff," commented Brock.

"Oh yeah? What is it then, jiggly_pi_?"

"Pie?" said Ash. "Where?"

"There isn't any," said Misty shortly, and proceeded to attempt to get the marker off her face. "And you look like a Meowth."

"What?" said Ash.

"You do. The jigglypuff gave you whiskers and a coin thingy on your head."

"Yeah, well, you have 'I Love Ash' written in big letters across your face!"

"I know that already."

"Hey..." said Ash thoughtfully. "Since when can jigglypuffs write?"

"Didn't you listen to a word of our conversation before?"

"No... should I have?"

"Never mind. Anyway, I don't know how come that jigglypuff could write, but hey, you've got to admit that that was a pretty strange jigglypuff."

"Yeah."

* * *

_Some hours and a great deal of scrubbing later.._

"I think-" Ash began.

"You do?" interrupted Brynna, who was not in a very good mood because she hadn't been able to get all of the marker scribblings off of her glasses. "That's news to me."

Ash ignored her for once. "I think," he announced, "that it is time for lunch."

"What?" exclaimed Brynna. "We can't take a break now, we've stopped for long enough already!"

"It's nearly two o'clock and I haven't had my lunch yet," Ash said stubbornly. "I'm starving."

"Me too."

"Me three."

"Me four."

"Pika."

Brynna looked around. "I hear a Pikachu," she said, "but I don't see one anywhere around. Where is it, I wonder?"

Ash groaned inwardly. How was he going to explain this one? Deciding he had no choice but to tell the truth, Ash sighed. "It's invisible."

"What?"

"My Pikachu became invisible several years ago in an accident involving experimental machinery, explosive chemicals, two jars of jelly, and an old sock. But it's only invisible sometimes, and then other times you can see it."

"Ha ha. No, where is it really?"

"I told you, it's invisible."

"Suuuure."

"It's true, I swear."

"Since I'm obviously not going to get a serious answer from you, I suppose I'll just drop it."

"Okay, why don't we eat now?" Tracy suggested, deciding to intervene.

Everyone agreed that this was a good idea, and got the food out of their backpacks.

Everyone began eating happily, including Pikachu. Thankfully, Brynna seemed oblivious to the slowly disappearing Pokémon food.

They talked very little while they ate, and what conversation they did have was rather strained. But eventually, when Brynna got fed up with them and wandered off, they all loosened up a bit and started chatting.

"What do you see in her, anyway?" Ash asked Brock once he was sure that Brynna was safely out of earshot.

"Who?" asked Brock, not quite understanding Ash's question.

"Professor Douglas-Fir. Brynna. She's not the sort of person I would ever want to date."

Brock looked, if it was possible, even more confused than he had been before he'd known who Ash had been talking about. "She's female. She's pretty. And she's smart. What's wrong with her?"

"She's _mean_," said Ash, who had thought that this would be obvious.

"So?" said Brock. "It doesn't really matter. And anyway, she's not really any meaner to me than girls usually are."

"Well, maybe if you stopped acting so desperate and being all over every female you see who's between the ages of seventeen and thirty, maybe they'd be nicer to you," Misty snapped.

Ash, Brock, and Tracy looked bewildered by the vehemence of Misty's comment. So did Misty.

"Sorry," she said, and turned back to her food. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, so did everyone else. The incident was quickly forgotten, and soon everyone was talking again.

Some time later, Brynna came rushing back. She couldn't help noticing that Pikachu, now visible once more, was sitting on the ground next to Ash. She gave the Pokémon a suspicious look before saying, rather breathlessly, "What day is it?"

"I've no idea," said Brock. "Why?"

"Because I've got this sinking feeling that it's Saturday."

"And...?" said Ash.

"On Saturdays the last boat out of here leaves at 5:30 pm, and then the port closes until Monday."

"So?"

"So it's 4:30 now! If we don't hurry, we'll miss the boat!"

"So we wait another two days. So what?"

"So I can't stand to be on this stupid island any longer than I have to." She tried to say this calmly, but the others could see her cool, icy, condescending façade unraveling. It was rather a frightening sight (although they'd have to get used to it soon enough). "Let's _go_!"

"Okay, okay," they said hastily, remembering how scary she (or her older self) had been before- was it only that morning?

Everyone packed up their things. Pikachu jumped onto Ash's head. And they started off in the general direction of the port, following Brynna and praying that she was right about where they were going.

They were relieved when they finally reached Chartreuse Town about forty-five minutes later.

"Where's the next boat going to?" Misty asked the man at the ticket selling counter.

"Johto," he replied.

"But I wanted to go to-" Brynna began.

"Five tickets please," Misty said, ignoring her.

"Pika!"

"Sorry, six tickets."

The man told Misty how much it would cost. Misty's jaw dropped. "I don't have that much!" she blurted, before she could stop herself.

"Then you don't get the tickets," said the man at the ticket counter.

Misty turned to her friends. "Okay, who's got money?"

Ash, Brock, and Tracy looked at one another.

"I brought enough money to pay for my ticket," said Brynna.

"Oh good," said Misty.

Brynna walked up to the ticket counter. "One ticket, please. I'm not with them." She handed the ticket seller her money. He handed her her ticket. She smiled smugly and walked off.

Ash, Misty, and Tracy watched her go with consternation.

"That... that... she had no right to do that!" Misty said indignantly.

"That wasn't very nice of her," Tracy agreed.

"Since when has she ever been nice?" said Ash. "Really, I'm just as happy that she left."

Brock was quiet for a moment, then said, "We have ten minutes until the boat leaves."

There was a pause.

"So... um, anyone else got money?" Misty asked with a weak smile.


	6. In Which They Almost Miss A Boat

**Chapter 6: In Which They Almost Miss a Boat**

"Uh..." said Ash uncomfortably. "I've got several hundred thousand (insert weird-looking p-like money symbol here)."

"Hand 'em over," said Misty.

"What, all of them?"

"Mmm... no, only about ten thousand."

"No way! This is my money, and ten thousand (insert weird p-like things) is a lot!"

"Well, we _do_ have to buy five boat tickets. Unless you'd rather not go, in which case we'd only need four."

Ash considered.

"Two days might make the difference between beating Team Rocket and being defeated.... again." She figured that Ash, still rather upset that he hadn't beaten Team Rocket the first time, would think this was a good enough reason to give her ten thousand (insert funny looking p things). She was right.

"Okay," said Ash, handing over the money. Misty handed it to the ticket guy, who gave them their tickets.

"Hurry," he said, "you've got five minutes before the boat leaves."

Ash, Misty, Tracey, Brock, and Pikachu raced towards the pier where the boat was. When they arrived, they saw the boat pulling away and Brynna standing on the dock, looking frustrated.

"Hey, how come you're still here?" Ash asked her.

"I just got here," she replied haughtily.

"But you left way before us," said Ash. "How come you didn't get here by the time the boat left?"

"I got my bearings somewhat confused and it took me rather longer to get here than I would have liked," she said, sounding like she was about to lose her temper again.

Ash looked puzzled.

"She means she got lost," Misty said under her breath.

"Oh, she got lost?" Ash said loudly, seeming to be attempting to get himself killed.

"Yes. Shh."

Brynna glared at both of them, but didn't say anything for once.

"So... what do we do now?" asked Brock.

"I guess we wait for the next boat," said Tracey.

"NO!" yelled Misty, Ash, and Brynna.

"I paid a _lot_ of money for those tickets-" Misty began.

"I paid most of it," Ash (who seemed to be feeling suicidal) interrupted. Luckily, Misty was too preoccupied with the problem of the boat to turn her anger on him. Instead, she continued as if she hadn't heard him.

"-and I am _not_ giving up this easily!"

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" asked Tracey.

Misty rummaged through her backpack until she found a Pokéball with "Lapras" written on it in black permanent marker.

Brynna looked at the Pokéball, then at Misty. "You write on your pokéballs?"

"Sure. How else could I tell apart twenty-odd identical ones? By smell or something?"

Misty threw the Pokéball. "Go, Lapras!" she shouted. "OK, everyone," she added, turning to her friends, "get on the Lapras, _now_."

"Uh, Misty?" said Tracey.

"What?"

"Five people-"

"Pika!" interrupted Pikachu.

"Okay. Five people and a Pikachu on one Lapras _not_ a good idea, not a good idea at all."

"Well, has anyone got a better one? No, wait, don't answer that. Just get on! The boat's getting away!"

They all piled onto the Lapras without further complaint.

"Okay, Lapras, follow that ship!" Misty told her pokémon.

"Lapras (What, with five people on my back?)" protested Lapras.

"Pika!"

"Laaaa. Lap lapras (Sorry. Five people and a Pikachu)."

"Just do it, okay?"

Lapras wearily consented.

((Insert long boring boat-chasing scene here))

After a long and boring, not to mention uncomfortable chase, five people, one Pikachu, and one exhausted Lapras finally caught up with the ship.

"Now what?" said Ash.

"Anyone got a Pokémon that can fly?" Misty asked.

"I do," offered Ash.

"You do?" Misty sounded surprised.

"Yeah, I've got a Fearow," Ash replied.

"No, you don't, you set it free last week, remember?"

"Oh. Right."

"By the way, Ash, what's the point of catching Pokémon if you're only going to let them go a few months later?"

"Stop it, you two, you're wasting time," snapped Brynna. "The ship's getting away again. I've got a Pidgeot, by the way."

"Why didn't you say so before?"

"You were arguing with Ash; you wouldn't have listened. Pidgeot, go!" Brynna said, throwing the Pokéball.

"Tell it to take us up to the deck of the ship."

"Pidgeot, take that idiot up to the deck of the ship."

The Pidgeot gripped Misty by the shoulders and flew up to the boat, where it deposited Misty in an unceremonious heap. Misty was shortly followed by Ash, Tracy, Brock, and Pikachu. Finally, Brynna (who was riding on her Pidgeot's back, looking rather smug) joined them. She hopped off of her Pidgeot, and returned the pokémon to its Pokéball.

"Lapras, return!" cried Misty. "Now let's go find our cabins."

They then proceeded to wander around for about an hour before they finally found their cabins. They all went in and sat down in an awkward silence, and stayed that way for some time.

"Well," Misty said at last, "that wasn't so bad now, was it?"

Ash, Brock, Tracy, and Brynna exchanged glances.

"Next time you have a plan, Misty, remind me not to go along with it," said Ash, who didn't seem to realize that keeping his mouth shut might have been a better option.

Misty looked confused and angry. "What? I got us on the boat, didn't I?"

The others rolled their eyes.


	7. In Which There Are No Phanpies Whatsoeve...

**Chapter 7: In Which There Are No Phanpies Whatsoever**

The boat docked some hours later, and Brock, Misty, Tracy, Ash, and Brynna got off.

"Hey, where's Pikachu?" said Ash, looking around.

"Pika (Right here)," said Pikachu invisibly. "Pika chu pi pika chu (Which reminds me to tell you that I'm sick of being treated as though I'm not here just because I'm invisible half the time.)"

"It looks annoyed," said Ash. "I wonder what it said?"

"I think it's saying that it's tired of being treated as though it isn't here just because it's invisible," translated Brock.

Everyone looked at him in bewilderment. That was Brock for you- you'd think he was a complete idiot, and then he'd say something that you'd never expect him, or anyone for that matter, to know.

"Pika pika. Pi chu pi pikachu pi (Oh, and by the way, I'm not an 'it', I'm a 'he'. I'm a Pokémon, not a thing. Which brings me to my next point. I'm sick of being treated like a... an accessory for Ash. I sit on his head, I get off his head, I follow him, he carries me around. I want a bigger and better part in this story. Do you hear me, you stupid author?)"

"What'd it say that time?"

"It said that it's a 'he', not an 'it'... and after that there was more, but I couldn't quite catch it. Something about not being your accessory."

((Wait... I didn't write that part. I swear I didn't write that part.))

"Pika pi pika! Chu ka! (Of course you didn't! I did!)"

((What? You can't write anything! How can you possibly be controlling this story? You're just a character, a figment of my imagination!

_Secret Nintendo Agents appear out of nowhere and drag the author away._

Wait... what's going on? What'd I do?

_She reappears some time later, looking rather the worse for the wear._

...I didn't invent Pokémon, okay? Pikachu is the figment of someone else's imagination. But I expect you're smart enough to know that Pokémon was not created by a teenaged (American) girl with too much time on her hands.))

"Pika pika ka? (What was that about?)"

((...you don't wanna know.))

"Hey, I wonder who Pikachu's talking to?" said Ash.

"Yeah, there's nobody there," said Brock. "That's really strange..."

"Pika pi, chu pika ka pi chu. (Okay, I'm going to be running this story now, and there are going to be some changes around here.)"

((What?

_The author watches in terror as the keyboard is wrested from her by a little yellow electric rodent thing._

Hey, how did you get into my room?))

Pika pika chu. Chu pika, ka pikachu pi. Pi chu, pika Pikachu chu pika pi. Pikapika pikachu chu ka.

((Come on, Pikachu, no one's going to understand that. You had better let me- _Pikachu begins writing in English._ ...whoa...))

"You've saved the day, Pikachu!" everyone cried. "You're our hero!" And they all bowed before-

((GIVE ME BACK MY STORY, YOU STUPID YELLOW MOUSE!!!!

_The author leaps across the room... well, tries to, anyway... falls on her face, gets back up, then leaps across the rest of the room and tackles Pikachu, accidentally turning her computer off in the process._))

Pikachu pi pika... ka pi. Chu pika pi chu ka chu pika ka? (Please review... or else. Wasn't this the best chapter yet?)


	8. In Which There Is A Phanpy, But Not For ...

**Chapter 8: In Which There _is_ a Phanpy, but Not for Very Long**

Pikachu, now ruler of the world, decided it was time that the people-

((_Sounds of a scuffle in thebackground._ PIKACHU, GIVE ME BACK MY STORY!!!))

"Pi (No)." Pikachu thundershocked the author, accidentally scrambling something important in her computer. The rest of the chapter became gibberish.

((Later, on a different computer- Shh, I'm hiding from Pikachu. I don't think he'll be in this chapter...))

It was quite late when they arrived in Olivine City, so they spent the night in the Pokémon Center there. The next morning, they set off for Goldenrod, hoping to at least reach Ecruteak before nightfall. And for most of the day this seemed like a fair enough goal.

But then, at about 2 pm, they saw a Phanpy in the middle of Route 38.

"Hey, what's a Phanpy doing on Route 38?" Brock wondered.

"That doesn't matter. I'm going to catch it!" exclaimed Ash.

"Never mind catching it," Tracey said, "I'm going to draw it."

"Okay," said Ash, ignoring Tracey, "I'm going to use my Eevee!"

"You haven't got one," Misty informed him.

"Yes I do!"

"You set it free, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. I did, didn't I? So... what Pokémon _do_ I have, then?"

"Um... you've got a Rattata, and.... let's see... a Magikarp and a Metapod. And of course there's Pikachu."

"Okay. Go... Rattata!"

The Phanpy looked at the Rattata blankly.

"Has it got any attacks?" Ash asked Misty.

She shrugged. "I don't know, it's your Pokémon. Have you taught it any?"

"Um... Rattata, use Tackle!" It did a pathetically small amount of damage.

"Okay, use Tackle again!"

"This," Misty observed, "is going to be very boring."

Two hours later...

"Rattata! Use Tackle again!"

The Pokémon grumbled, but followed Ash's command, for reasons unknown to everyone, probably including the Rattata. Ash finally deemed the Phanpy beaten up enough, and threw a Pokéball at it. "Pokéball, go!" he called.

Everyone held their breath and crossed their fingers, and prated that they weren't about to be subjected to another two hours of the torture they had just undergone.

"Yeah! I got it!" cried Ash excitedly.

...And there was much rejoicing.

"Wow," said Ash, "my friends aren't usually this happy for me when I catch a Pokémon. Cool."

But in their state of ignorant bliss, they didn't know that a far worse danger was about to find them.

Floating out of the giant plot hole through which the Phanpy had tumbled a bit more than two hours before was an extremely scary Pokémon.

It was cute. It was cuddly-looking. And worst of all, it was pink—the color ofEvil. It stalked towards our heroes, who were walking along happily- well, maybe not happily, exactly, but certainly unaware of their impending doom.

Not for long.

"AAAH NO NOT AGAIN NOT THE JIGGLYPUFF!!!! MUST GET AWAY!!!! MUST GET HELP!!!! QUICK BEFORE IT SINGS!!!!"

Tracey gave Ash an odd look. "I think I'll draw it," he announced.

"Surprise, surprise," muttered Misty.

"Oh, please, we don't have time for sitting around and drawing stupid Jigglypuffs," said Brynna, attempting to continue down the road.

"Jiggly_pi_," corrected Brock.

"Pie?" said Ash. "Did someone say something about pie?"

"No," said Misty. "Nobody did."

"Oh," said Ash, looking quite disappointed.

"Come on," insisted Brynna, "we have to keep going. We've wasted enough time already." She glared at Ash.

"Why does all of this sound familiar to me?" Misty asked.

"Probably because we said it all already back in Chapter 5," answered Brynna.

"...It was a rhetorical question," Misty told her, looking at Brynna as if she were crazy.

"Sorry."

Tracey, who was sketching, ignored all that was going on around him.

The Jigglypuff cleared its throat.

"Jigg-a-lee, jiggly jigg-a-lee pu-uff!/Jigg-a-lee, jiggle jigg-a-lee-puff!/Jigg-a-lee, jiggly jigg-a-lee pu-uff!/Jigg-a-lee, jiggle jigg-a-lee-puff!/Jigg-a/lee puff!/Jiggly, a jigg-a-lee-puffpuff!/Jigg-a/lee puff!/ Jigg-a-lee, a jigglypu-u-uff!" The jigglypuff floated around happily, singing its little song.

"'S funny," said Brynna, sounding half asleep (which she was). "Now it's singing the Johto Journeys theme song. Y'know, 'Everybody wants to be a master, everybody wants to show their skills...'"

"Mhmm," said Brock, who was also half-asleep and not really listening.

"Jigglyjiggly jiggly pu-uff!" sang the jigglypuff.

"It's a whole new world we live in..." Brynna sang along with it, trailing off sleepily as she yawned and finally drifted off to sleep. Her last conscious thought was, 'Wonder how it got here from Erehwon Island?'

Though actually, that's not quite accurate. That was her second-to-last conscious thought. Her actual last conscious thought was, 'If that Jigglypuff colors on my glasses again, it DIES."


	9. In Which Nobody Gets A New Bike

**Chapter 9: In Which Nobody Gets a New Bike**

"THAT STUPID JIGGLYPUFF COLORED ON MY GLASSES AGAIN! OH, IT SHALL _PAY _FOR THIS! I SHALL HUNT IT DOWN AND MAKE IT DIE A LONG, SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH!"

Everyone cringed away from the force of Brynna's anger, although it was not directed at them this time. "I don't see what the big deal is," Misty muttered.

"Um, Misty?" said Brock. "Did you know you've got 'Ash &Misty Forever' written on your cheek with a heart around it?"

"Ooh..." said Misty. "NOT AGAIN! THE JIGGLYPUFF MUST DIE!"

"Whoa, it's got Misty _and_ Brynna after it? That is one dead Jigglypuff," commented Tracey.

"Whatever you say, Growlithe," Misty said.

"...Growlithe?"

"The Jigglypuff gave you a black nose and stripes on your face, by which I assume it was trying to make you look like a Growlithe," Misty explained.

"Oh."

"Well, we should get going, said Brynna, having gotten most of the scribbles off of her glasses. "It's nearly six o'clock and at the rate we're going we'll make it to Ecruteak at about four in the morning."

"Okay," Ash, Tracey, and Brock agreed.

"Hey, wait!" said Misty. "I haven't gotten all of the marker off of my face yet! And if you think I'm going to Ecruteak or anywhere else with 'Ash &Misty Forever' written on my face, you are sadly mistaken!"

"Forget that," said Brock, grabbing her by the ear and dragging her along. "Let's go." He looked like he was enjoying himself thoroughly.

"Oh, you're just siding with Brynna because you think she's a pretty girl," Misty said irritably.

"I am _not_! I'm siding with her because I think she's right!"

"Oh, sorry. You're siding with her because you think she's right, and you think she's right because she's a pretty girl. I get it now."

"Honestly, Misty, what's your problem? You're being so... so..."

"You want to know what my problem is?" shouted Misty. "I'll tell you what my problem is! I've got 'Ash &Misty Forever' written on my face and I'm not being allowed to wash it off! _And_ you're dragging me down the road by my ear and it hurts."

"Well, maybe you ought to think of that the next time you drag _me _around by _my_ ear."

Misty smacked him.

"Oh, cut it _out_, you two," said Tracey. "Let's just stop arguing and go, okay? Misty, you can wash your face while you walk."

"Fine," said Misty sulkily, as Brock let go of her ear. And they were off again.

Things were happily uneventful the rest of the way to Ecruteak. Even so, they didn't get there until about eight at night because they were going rather slowly.

They stayed at the Pokémon Center, as usual, but the Nurse Joy there said that she refused to serve them dinner because it had been two hours ago and they'd missed it.

"I'm _hungry_!" whined Ash once they had gotten settled in their room.

"Well, too bad, because we missed dinner," snapped Brynna.

"_We missed dinner_?!" said Ash, in much the same tones as one might say, "The world is coming to an end next Wednesday?!"

"Yes... and _whose_ fault might that be, I wonder?" Brynna's tone fairly dripped sarcasm. Well, it didn't literally drip sarcasm, because sarcasm doesn't really drip and besides, Brynna probably wouldn't have wanted to make a mess of the bed she'd be sleeping in, but you get the idea.

"Um... the Jigglypuff's?" Ash said, thinking as hard as he could (which wasn't really very hard at all).

"...Forget it."

So they all went to bed, none of them at all happy. Well, except Brock, who was quite glad to be in close proximity to a Nurse Joy.

They lay on their respective beds for quite a while, unable to sleep due to their jigglypuff-induced naps earlier, not saying anything to one another.

Misty finally broke the silence. "Hey, Ash?"

"What?"

"I've been thinking..."

"What'd you want to do that for? It's hard. And boring."

"Oh, shut up. Anyway, there's a bike shop in Goldenrod, isn't there?"

Ash thought for a minute. "Yeah, there is. So?"

"Well, you still owe me a bike, right?"

Ash considered, trying to remember if he did. "Yeah, I guess so."

"What're you talking about? He doesn't owe you a bike. He already bought you one, remember?" Brock seemed puzzled.

Misty's reply to this was not quite what anyone had expected. "Damn it, Brock, why'd you have to interfere? Why couldn't you just have kept your mouth shut? I'd almost gotten him to buy me a new bike!"

"Huh?" said Brock, understandably confused.

"Let me put it into terms that are easier for stupid people to understand. I want a bike. I have no money. Ash has lots of money. However, Ash probably wouldn't give me money if I asked for it. So I figured, if I could make Ash think he still owed me a bike, maybe he'd buy one for me. Now, Ash is just dumb enough to fall for that, and his being tired and hungry right now is an added bonus, because all he'll be able to think about for the next twenty-four hours is the fact that he missed dinner tonight."

"Dinner?" said Ash, suddenly paying attention. "Food?"

"No," chorused Brynna, Misty, Tracey, and Brock.

"Wait," Brock added, turning to Misty. "Let me get this straight. You were going to manipulate Ash and get him to buy you a bike which you are not owed and which you neither deserve nor need, because he has money and you don't?"

"And because I want one. And because he's stupid."

"Okay, whatever you say."

"Besides, I wasn't manipulating him."

"You weren't?"

"Not as such, no."

"'Not as such'? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I was just lying to him and he believed me because he was stupid. That's not manipulating."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not, because it's a very obvious lie. It's only manipulating if you're being sneaky."

"Quit arguing semantics, you two, because some of us _do_ want to sleep. Brock, I think you may be right about the manipulating thing, and at any rate, Misty _was_ doing something bad, yes.But arguing about the connotations of the word "manipulate" at two in the morning will not help at all. Misty, I agree thatAsh is stupid. That doesn't mean you can steal his money.And no, you are definitely not getting a new bike. Nobody is getting a new bike. So shut up, both of you." Brynna was clearly annoyed. Again.

"Fine," both Misty and Brock grumbled, and shut up. And they all (except Misty) lived happily (well, marginally more happily than before) ever after, or at least for the rest of the night.

((No, Pikachu isn't in this chapter either. He is currently undergoing therapy at that fabled place with padded rooms and men in white coats. When he is more stable and can be trusted to return to the story, he will be allowed to show up again; until then we'll just have to work without him.

Also, I know the characters are very OOC in this chapter. Oh well. Deal with it.))


	10. In Which They Try To Get Into Team Rocke...

**Chapter 10: In Which They Try to Get Into Team Rocket Headquarters and Don't Go Shopping**

"Well, here we are in Goldenrod," Ash announced.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Brynna replied, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not Captain Obvious, I'm Ash Ketchum."

"You're an idiot, is what you are."

Yes, I think it's fairly safe to say that our heroes were all quite sick of one another by the time they reached Goldenrod. If they weren't already sick of one another when they started their journey, that is.

"Ooh, look," said Misty. "It's the Goldenrod Department Store!"

"So?" said Brynna.

"So I want to go shopping! I mean, I need some things for my Pokémon, and while we're here, I might as well..."

"Yeah, and I want some food!"

Three guesses who said that. Brock? No. Pikachu? No. Ash? You got it. Wow, you're smart.

"Ash, department stores don't sell food," Brock told him. "Unless you eat Pokémon food, that is."

"I'll eat Pokémon food. Heck, I'll eat anything. I _missed_ a _meal_, for goodness sake!"

"Oh, come on," said Brynna. "You missed dinner _last night_. And you ate more than enough at breakfast to make up for it."

"I'm not talking about dinner, silly."

"Oh? And what meal _are_ you talking about, then?"

"Second breakfast, of course!" Ash said, in a tone that suggested that this should be perfectly obvious. He knew that tone well. People used it on him all the time.

Brynna stared at him for a while.

"Why are you not fat?" she asked finally. "How can you eat so much and still be as small as you are?"

"I think he's got an unusually high metabolism," Brock supplied.

"That makes sense," Brynna agreed.

"I have a metabolism? Where?" Ash looked around, and then checked his backpack, before realizing that he didn't know what he was looking for. "Wait, what's a metabolism?"

"...Never mind," Brock and Brynna said in unison. Then Brynna glared at Brock as if he'd somehow stolen what she'd been going to say.

"So, um," Tracey began, "Where _are_ the Team Rocket headquarters, anyway?"

"Follow me," Brynna said, starting off down the street without looking behind her to see if the others were following.

"But I wanted to go shopping!" Misty protested, hurrying to catch up with Brynna and the rest.

"Too bad, you're not going to," Brynna snapped.

Misty sighed, but didn't complain.

_Much wandering around and soreness of feet later_

"Okay, here we are," Brynna announced finally, stopping in front of a smallish, perfectly normal-looking one-story building.

"_This_ is Team Rocket headquarters?"

"No, it's the entrance to the Underground Path."

"The what?" Ash looked confused, as he often did.

"It's a tunnel. A walkway. Under the ground."

"And this has exactly_ what_ to do with Team Rocket?" Misty asked.

"The entrance to their headquarters is in the Underground."

"_Where_ in the Underground?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, _that's_ really helpful," Misty said annoyedly.

"Look, it's a straight tunnel with one short hallway off of it, and it isn't all that long. How hard can the door possibly be to find?"

"You _will_ come with us to look for it, though, right?" Brock asked anxiously.

"Well..." Brynna considered. "I suppose you wouldn't be able to find it if I weren't around to point it out. You lot could probably be looking straight at the door and you still wouldn't know where it was. And since I don't want _you_ to be the only things standing between Team Rocket and complete world domination, or whatever they're trying to do, I suppose I'll come, yes."

"Oh, that's great! Thank you _so_ much!" Brock gushed.

They descended into the Underground, which was crowded with trainers wanting to battle, and turned down the side hallway. Sure enough, at the end of it was a door with a plaque on it that read, "Top Secret Team Rocket Headquarters." They tried the handle. It was locked.

"Oh, _great,_" said Misty, reading a noticed tacked on the door underneath the plaque. "'As of last Tuesday at 14:09 o'clock-' hey, there's no such thing as 14:09 o'clock!"

"There is if you're European," argued Brynna.

"...What?" Misty said, staring at her blankly.

"Never mind."

Misty continued reading. '-last Tuesday at 14:09 o'clock, all doors to and within the Team Rocket headquarters will require the use of a Card Key to enter.'" Misty paused for a moment, frowning. "We haven't got a Card Key."

"No, really? I was sure we did," Brynna said sarcastically.

"We'll just have to find one, then," Ash said.

"Oh, and where might one be, pray tell?" Brynna asked him.

"Right here," said a voice behind him. They all turned to see a smirking Rocket Grunt, holding something that looked like a hotel room key just out of their reach. "Too bad you'll never be able to have it."


	11. In Which We Take A Brief Detour Into The...

**Chapter 11: In Which We Take a Brief Detour into the Life of a Renegade Nurse Joy**

((Okay, this chapter is not vital to the rest of the story and has no real reason for existence other than the fact that the idea amuses me. Possibly I should take this chapter out and make it a story of its own. She _does_ show up again in a chapter or so, though, so it isn't completely random.))

_Several months before the rest of the story_

"This," said Joy Medic the 104th angrily, "is IT." She paced back and forth across her bedroom, glaring at nothing in particular. "This is absolutely the last straw!"

She would grit her teeth and suffer through the 'Pokémon Care' lessons. She would pretend to listen to her mother's lectures on how to be a proper Nurse Joy. But _this_, THIS was going too far. They actually wanted her to co-manage a Pokémon Center with her aunt Joy in Cianwood City? 'It'll teach you some responsibility, dear,' her mother had said. Responsibility, ha. Joy had plenty of responsibility. She just chose not to apply it to things so utterly stupid as Pokémon healing. She wanted to do something different with her life... something exciting, something interesting, something non-saccharine, something... evil. Yes. Evil.

Originally, she had wanted to wait to join Team Rocket until she was eighteen and legally her own person. But now she saw that she had no choice. She'd have to run away from home today and join Team Rocket as soon as was possible. Otherwise she'd be stuck managing a Pokémon Center with her horrid aunt for who knew how long. Aunt Joy was sweet, lovable, kind, caring, helpful... all the things a good Nurse Joy was supposed to be. It made Joy sick just to think about it. Not that her mother and sisters weren't like that too, but them, Joy knew how to avoid. There'd be no avoiding her aunt- her mother had seen to that by making her co-manager. She'd have to be in the Pokémon Center helping at all times, and her aunt would be watching her every move.

So, she was leaving.

She packed her one Pokéball, containing a Chansey she'd stolen from her older sister, into her backpack, threw in what money she had, then went to her closet to get some clothes. "Shit!" she said under her breath upon opening the closet door. Her mother had gone through her wardrobe again and thrown out everything that wasn't pink. And Joy was damned if she was going to request to join Team Rocket while wearing a Nurse Joy outfit. Then she remembered the Secret Black Shirt and Pants that she'd hidden under her bed.

She descended into the Dark Abyss that was under the bed, and made her way through years' worth of junk. She'd only put the outfit there a few months ago, but she'd hidden it behind some other things so that her mother wouldn't find it- an action which she was now regretting.

At last she found it. "Aha," she said aloud, in a rather muffled voice. And she made her way back out from under her bed, which in itself took her several hours.

"Joy," she heard her mother tell her oldest sister as she at last emerged from the Dark Abyss, "go tell Joy that it's time for dinner, would you?"

"What do you mean, go tell her? She's right here. Next to me."

"No, not that Joy, the other Joy."

"She moved to Saffron City, remember?"

"No, not your older sister Joy, your younger sister Joy."

"Oh. Right. Where is she?"

"I think she's in her room."

Joy's oldest sister Joy who will henceforth be referred to as Joy the 102nd in order to avoid confusion walked into her room, closely followed by her other older sister, Joy the 103.503rd it's a long story.

"Joy, it's time for dinner," said Joy the 102nd.

"I'm not coming to dinner," replied Joy.

"But Mother will be _so_ upset if you don't," Joy the 103.503rd told her.

"Oh, forget Mom. I'm not coming to dinner- not now and not ever!" proclaimed Joy dramatically.

"Oh, but you _must_ eat dinner sometime, or you'll starve!" tittered Joy the 102nd.

"Unless you plan on eating extra-large lunches from now on," giggled Joy the 103.503rd, doubtless thinking that she was being very clever.

"You two," Joy the 104th stated matter-of-factly, "are complete and total idiots. Goodbye."

And, backpack on her back, she stalked out of the house. She'd show them. She'd join Team Rocket, and she'd take over the world and she'd show the whole wretched race of Nurse Joys that.... that... that... well, she'd show them _some_thing. She just wasn't quite sure what yet.

"And I will make them PAY," she said, quietly and evilly, grinning in a way that could get her classified as insane fairly quickly.

She wouldn't, of course, or at least not personally. After all, when she joined she'd only be a grunt, and grunts can't do anything.

But let's leave her her delusions of grandeur for now, shall we?


	12. In Which Rocket Grunts Cause Problems

**Chapter 12: In Which Rocket Grunts Cause Problems**

((Since we took a brief detour there for a while, let's recap the last episode... I mean chapter... that actually had to do with the plot (yes, there is one... sort of).

When last we left our heroes, they were in the Goldenrod City underground (which is a walkway under the ground), attempting to gain entry to Team Rocket headquarters. This required the use of a Card Key, which they sadly did not have. However, a certain Rocket grunt by whom they were being smirked at unpleasantly did have one...))

"You're such losers," sneered the smirking Rocket grunt, "that I bet you couldn't get this Card Key from me if you tried for _years_!"

"Did you just insult me?" asked Ash angrily.

"Yes, I believe I did. In fact, I believe I just called you a loser."

"Oh... you.... you..." Ash was at a loss for words, something which happened fairly often. "There's only one way to settle this, and that's with a Pokémon battle! Go, Pikachu!"

Pikachu magically appeared in front of Ash.

"Oh yeah? Well... well... Go, Ekans!"

"Pikachu! Use Thundershock!"

"Ekans, use... ow!" No, 'ow' is not a new ability for Ekans. 'Ow' is the noise that people make when someone slaps them very hard, which is what Brynna had just done to the Rocket grunt.

"What was THAT for?" he asked in surprise.

"It was just to get your attention," Brynna informed him, and proceeded to kick him in a very sensitive spot.

His face, that is, you dirty-minded people.

While he was incapacitated by his pain, she quickly grabbed the Card Key from his hand. "OK, let's go," she said, inserting the Card Key into the slot on the door. There was a click, and a green light came on.

"Now try to open the door," Brynna said authoritatively.

Brock did so.

"Hey, it's unlocked now!" Ash exclaimed.

"Of course," said Brynna in withering tones.

They went through the door to the room beyond. Once inside, they looked around. Their jaws dropped in shock, and they stared.

"Holy Miltank!" Ash exclaimed.

On the wall to their left were three largish come on, everyone together now: it's a word, because I said so levers. To their right was a series of barriers and partitions with mechanical sliding door things that cut half the room into a mazelike grid.

Tracey walked over to one of the switches. "Hmm... I wonder what would happen if I flipped this switch..." he said.

"You don't know what that does," cautioned Brynna, while Misty exclaimed, "Tracey, you idiot, don't-"

Too late. Tracey flipped the switch anyway. Everyone held their breath.

Slowly, some of the partitions slid back.

Relaxing, everyone let out the breath they'd been holding.

"Cool," said Tracey, and pressed the second switch.

More doors opened, and other ones closed.

"Is there a path through yet?" Tracey asked, trying to see if there was.

"I don't know," Brynna said. "Misty, go check."

"Why me?"

"Because the boys would probably get lost."

"Oh. Fine." Misty went and checked. "No, no path through yet," she reported.

So Tracey flipped the third switch. Some doors opened. Some doors closed. There was still no way across the room.

"Hmm," Tracey said, thinking.

Several hours and much switch-flipping later

Tracey flipped a switch. Some doors opened. Some doors closed. There still wasn't a way thought.

"This is boring," Misty complained.

"Yeah," agreed Ash. "And I'm hungry."

"Oh, shut up, you're always hungry."

Brynna sighed and stood up. "Tracey, sit down," she commanded.

Tracey did. Brynna flicked a few switches, and suddenly there was a clear path to the door on the other side of the room.

Everyone else looked awestruck. "How'd you do that?" Ash asked.

"It was quite simple really," Brynna told him. Everyone stared at her. Simple? _THAT_?

"I just put my hand on the switch and moved it over, much the same way that one would turn on a light. If you have that kind of lightswitch, that is," she continued.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, what _did_ you mean, then?"

Ash was silent, trying to figure out what he had in fact meant.

The group walked through the maze sort of thing until they reached the other door. And here all resemblance to the game ends.

"Looks like you need the Card Key again," Tracey said. Brynna took it out of her pocket and reached forward to stick it in the slot in the door.

Someone swatted her hand away.

"I'm _ever_ so sorry," said a young woman in a black Team Rocket uniform, stepping out from a shadowy corner, "but this is private Team Rocket property. There are No Twerps Allowed Beyond This Point."

"Yeah," said an also-Team-Rocket-uniformed man, "you're not going one step further. My deepest heartfelt apologies for that."

"Oh, we're not going one step further, are we? Well, I think Pikachu has something to say about that!"

Pikachu jumped off of Ash's shoulder, ready to do battle. "Pi cha pika ka! (Darn right I do!)"

Meanwhile, Misty and Tracey stared at the woman with the same feeling they'd had when they first saw Brynna- the sensation that they were seeing someone very familiar, but... out of context, as it were.

This time, though, it was Brock who realized who she was.

"You're a Nurse Joy!" he exclaimed.

See, I told you she'd show up again.

"That's preposterous," sniffed the girl. "I can't think where you got such an idea. My name is Dalton."

Tracey burst into hysterical laughter. "_Dalton_?!" he gasped.

"What's so funny about my name?" she asked, glaring at him. To use a cliché, trite phrase, if looks could kill, Dalton's current one was a weapon of mass destruction.

"...It's just weird, is all."

"You're one to talk," Brynna said. "Your name's Tracey, after all. That's hardly normal for a guy."

Dalton looked at Brynna, then at Tracey. "Your name's really Tracey?"

"Yes," said Tracey defensively. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, it's just funny!" she laughed. Tracey looked annoyed.

When she had stopped laughing enough to speak, Dalton said, "You do know that Tracey is a girl's name, right?"

"It's not always a girl's name! It can be a guy's name too! Besides which, I can't help the name my parents gave me. And I'm not gay," he added quickly.

Dalton gave him a very odd look. "I never said you were."

"Everyone else does, though. I think it's because I have a girl's- I mean, because of my name."

"That's just weird. Sexual orientation is not determined by your name."

Tracey shrugged. "Never made any sense to me either."

Dalton's partner, who had been fairly silent up until now, poked Dalton. "Hey, Dalton, we have to say the motto now, remember?"

"Yeah... we do..."

"Wait... what _is_ our motto? I don't remember it?"

"Shh," hissed Dalton. "Neither do I. Let's just used someone else's, they'll never know the difference."

"Um... okay, whose can we use then?"

"How about the one that belongs to those losers who are obsessed with stealing that Pikachu? They don't get around that much, people won't know their motto."

"OK. Who has to start, then?"

"Um... you do."

"All right."

If they hadn't been standing in front of the door as they conferred, Brynna would have tired to get through while they talked. But as it was, she waited impatiently for them to finish.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!" He then turned to Dalton and whispered, "Why do we want to do that? I thought we wanted to _bring_ devastation to the world!"

"To unite all people within our nation!" said Dalton, and then hissed, "I'm not sure, but that's how the motto goes."

"To denounce the evils of Truth and Love! (that's more like it!)"

"To extend our reach to the stars above! (just shut up and say the motto, will you?)"

"Bob! (Which do you want me to do, shut up or say the motto?)"

"Dalton! (You know what I mean!)"

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light, surrender now or prepare to fight... yeah, we know. Can we get on with it now?" Misty interrupted.

"Fine," said Dalton. "Go, Golbat!"

And she threw her Pokéball. But the Pokémon that emerged was most definitely not a Golbat, or indeed a very Team Rocket-y Pokémon at all.

"Chansey?" it said, by which it meant, "What's going on? Where am I? One minute I was perfectly happy at the Pokémon Center, then you stuff me into a Pokéball and the next thing I know I'm here! And why are you wearing a Team Rocket uniform? You haven't joined Team Rocket, have you?" But Dalton didn't understand all that, so she didn't answer. She just stood where she was and looked embarrassed.

"So you _are_ a Nurse Joy!" exclaimed Tracey.

"Was there ever any doubt?" sighed Brock. "Only a Nurse Joy could be so beautiful. Only Nurse Joys have that hair... those eyes... that smile... those-"

"We don't wanna know, Brock," Misty told him.

"Know what?"

"What you were going to say about Nurse Joys."

"What? It wasn't going to be anything objectionable. The last thing I want to do is offend the beautiful ladies."

"Still... I don't wanna hear it. It may be new to _this_ girl, but the rest of us have heard it, oh, I don't know, only about a million times."

"Hey, having a Chansey doesn't make me a Nurse Joy, you know," Dalton said, a bit annoyed at having been forgotten in the argument between Misty and Brock.

"Then why has it got a nurse hat on?" asked Brynna.

"I... I stole it from a Nurse Joy!" Which was true, Dalton told herself. She had stolen it. They didn't need to know that the Nurse Joy she'd stolen it from was in fact her older sister.

Brock sighed. "It's a shame that a pretty girl like you had to turn to a life of crime. If we'd met under different circumstances, I really think we-"

He was interrupted by Misty grabbing his ear and dragging him away from the girl. "Stop it, Brock, it's really annoying, and besides, how old is she? Fifteen? Sixteen? She doesn't look much older than that. You're twenty-four. That's kind of sick."

"I'm seventeen," said Dalton, glaring at Misty. "Almost eighteen." ((It's true, by the way.))

"Sorry. And I apologise for Brock. He does this all the time."

"I know," Dalton said, recalling the time that he- it must've been him, there weren't many people like him, thank goodness for that- had come to the Pokémon Center that her mother ran. "I seem to remember that he hit on my mom once. It was quite funny."

"Your... mother?" said Brock weakly. "How old is she?"

"Oh, she's in her forties," replied the person who might or might not have been a Nurse Joy i.e. Dalton gleefully.

"You must have me confused with someone else. I don't flirt with people who are THAT old."

"Oh, I don't know," said Brynna innocently. "Nurse Joys usually look younger than they are, don't they?"

"True," Brock agreed. "Not one of them looks a day over twenty." He then was lost to the world for several minutes as he contemplated the looks of Nurse Joys.

Pikachu was getting fed up, so he thundershocked both of the Team Rocket members and the Chansey, stole the Card Key from Brynna, and unlocked the next door.

((...Oh no, Pikachu's exercising free will again!))

"Pika pikapi(-CENSORED-)," said Pikachu angrily, glaring at the author.

((Oh, fine. Since without you this scene might've gone on forever, you can be forgiven this time. Just don't do it again.))

They all went through the door, and started down the hallway beyond. At the end of it was- you guessed it- another door. They looked around warily for any Team Rocket members who might be hiding in the shadows and waiting to spring. Seeing none, Pikachu inserted the card key and they opened the door. Standing a few feet in front of them, backs to the door, were two Team Rocket members.


	13. In Which They Arrive At Team Rocket Head...

**Chapter 13: In Which They Arrive At Team Rocket Headquarters and Really Start to Mess Things Up**

"Hmm," said Ash loudly, "they look familiar."

The two people turned around.

"Prepare for trouble! (See, James, I told you we were guarding the wrong side of the door!)"

"Make it double! (Well, Jessie, how was _I _supposed to know which side to guard? And anyway, it worked out all right in the end, didn't it? We caught the twerps!)"

"To protect the world from devastation! (You're an idiot.)"

"Quick!" Brynna hissed. "Let's make a run for the next door before they finish that ridiculous motto!"

The five-

"Pik_a_!"

Er, the six people raced down the hall, and tried to open the next door with their card key.

"It's not working!" hissed Misty, dismayed.

"You've got to do it more slowly," Brynna told her. "It can't read the card properly if you pull it out too fast. It's like a hotel room key."

"Oh."

They managed to get through the door before Team Rocket could catch them. Once safely on the other side of it, they paused to catch their breath, and heard Jessie rattling the door handle.

"Damn! It's locked! James, where's our Card Key?"

"I think I left it in the pocket of my other skirt. Sorry, Jessie..."

There was the sound of James being smacked with something painful.

"Ow!"

"You're an idiot, James."

"You're both idiots!" exclaimed Meowth. "Jessie, you shouldn't've let James have the key in the first place!"

"Well, at least we didn't blast off that time."

"And it's a good thing too, because the ceiling here is really low."

Ash, Brock, Misty, and Tracey rolled their eyes well, maybe not Brock, because he hasn't really got eyes, and they (and Brynna and Pikachu) continued down the next hallway. Just as they were about to reach the next door, another pair of Team Rocket members materialized out of nowhere.

"Going somewhere, twerps?" said the woman, idly flicking a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear.

"Yes!" said Ash. "And I'm not a twerp."

"Oh yes you are," said the woman, taking out a shiny black device that looked like a Pokédex. "'Twerp' is the official name for anyone who is foolish enough to mess with Team Rocket."

She pointed the Pokédex thing at Ash, and then looked from its screen to him to the screen again in surprise.

"So you're the one with the Pikachu that my esteemed colleagues-" something about the way she said 'esteemed colleagues' turned it into a nasty insult- "are so intent on catching. It says here that you're thirteen. You don't look thirteen."

"I'm not."

"Hm. Must be a problem with the TwerpDex, then."

Ash turned to Misty. "What's a TwerpDex, Misty?"

Misty shrugged. "I dunno." She looked at Brock. "What's a TwerpDex?"

"Not sure. Tracey, what's a TwerpDex?"

"I don't know. Brynna, what's a TwerpDex?"

"Well, obviously it's a list of information about those who go against Team Rocket."

"Brilliant. Give the girl some points for intelligence." The woman applauded sarcastically. Just how it is possible to applaud sarcastically, I'm not sure, but she managed it.

"Honestly," Brynna said to her companions. "Must you all be so dense?"

"Well, well, well," said the woman, interrupting what might have been yet another argument. "You've managed to get this far. Commendable. I'm almost sorry that I have to defeat you now."

"You are?" asked Ash hopefully.

"No," said the woman with an evil smile that one rather expected to show her fangs. "Not in the slightest." Then she sighed. "I suppose we have to say that idiotic motto now." She rolled her eyes, and began.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"To bring destruction and devastation! (Ferris, you're not supposed to talk, remember?) To rule all people within our nation! To hide the truth and crush the love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Gretchen!"

There was a pause, and then the woman- Gretchen- poked her partner. "Say your name," she instructed.

"But I thought I wasn't supposed to talk!"

"You can say your name. That's the exception."

"Oh. Okay. Ferris!"

My younger sister will probably kill me if I don't mention that Gretchen was originally her OC, although I stole her for this story and wrote nearly all of her lines.

"Team Rocket destroys at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

There was a very long pause.

"Say your line, Cassandra," commanded Gretchen.

Do I have to? said a voice inside their heads.

"Yes."

But it's so... so demeaning!

"Say it, Cassandra."

Espeon, that's right. There, are you happy now?

An Espeon came up to sit in front of Gretchen.

"Wow, your Espeon talks?" Ash said excitedly. "Cool!"

"Cassandra is highly intelligent. Of course, that makes her stubborn, vain, finicky, pessimistic, bossy, and a number of other things. Well, she'd probably be that way anyhow. But now she can make her personality more evident."

"And now, twerps, prepare to DIE!" interrupted Ferris, reaching for a Pokéball.

"Ahem," said Gretchen loudly, grabbing his arm and stopping him mid-reach. "What are you supposed to be doing, Ferris?"

"Um... guarding the door?"

"And?"

"Um, um, um, learning?"

"Right. And you learn by doing what?"

"Er... watching and listening?"

"And what don't you do?"

"Talk," said Ferris resignedly.

"Good, maybe you're not as stupid as I thought. Though that wouldn't be saying much." Gretchen reached into the bag she was carrying and produced a thick book that looked something like a dictionary. The cover read, "Gretchen's Evil Phrases for All Occasions."

"Study this," she said. "I'll quiz you on it in fifteen minutes when I'm done with these twerps. I expect you to have it memorized by then."

"Are we gonna have a Pokémon battle?" Ash asked.

"Me? Battle you? No, I think not."

"Why? Are ya scared?"

Gretchen laughed at that for about fifteen minutes. "Scared of you? Sure, when volcanoes freeze over. No, it's because although I am evil, I like to think of myself as being above massacring innocent Pokémon whose only mistake was allowing themselves to get stuck with an imbecile like you."

"Huh?" said Ash, confused by the big words.

"She thinks you're stupid and if you battled her she would win," Tracey simplified.

"Oh yeah? Well, I bet my Pikachu could take on your stupid Espeon and win faster than you could say, "Espeon, use Psybeam!"

"I hate to interrupt," said Brock suddenly, "But, Gretchen, I can't help noticing your astonishing beauty. Would you like to go out with me next Saturday?"

"I'd like to, but- er, that is to say, YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, PATHETIC MORTAL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Brock shrugged. "Well, it was worth a try. It always is, come to that."

Meanwhile, Pikachu was talking to Gretchen's Espeon, saying something along the lines of 'I know my trainer's an idiot, but will you battle me anyway? It'll make him happy, and besides which, I'm quite a capable Pokémon.' Cassandra relayed his words to Gretchen, who nodded.

"All right, Ash," she said, "I will allow you to battle me. Three Pokémon each, if I win you leave, if I lose you keep going. Ferris will referee. Hey, Ferris, come here and referee this Pokémon battle!"

Ferris considered for a moment, then went. Pikachu handed the Card Key to Brynna.

"I choose you! Rattata!" Ash said, throwing a Pokéball. Pikachu was shocked (I swear that pun was unintended).

"Go ahead, Cassandra, do your stuff," said Gretchen disinterestedly.

While the two were battling, Tracey, Misty, Brynna, and Brock snuck down the hall to the next door. They opened it, and found themselves in a smallish vestibule, with three doors leading away from it, not counting the one they'd come through.

They heard footsteps approaching, and Brynna opened the first door she came to, which led to a storage closet. They all ducked inside.

Someone pounded on the door they'd just come through. "Hey! It's me, Ash! Let me in!"

The others exchanged glances. Finally, Tracey came out of the... er, that is to say, exited the storage space and opened the door for Ash.

"So you won your battle, huh? Misty said, surprise evident in her voice.

"I guess so."

"What do you mean, you guess so?"

"I didn't tell him to do it, but Pikachu did this really huge thundershock and knocked out Gretchen, Ferris, and Cassandra. And then we ran- I figured we'd better hurry, because it'd only take them a few minutes to recover."

"Hey, look what I found!" exclaimed Brock from the back of the closet.

"What?"

"Team Rocket uniforms!"

"So?" said Ash, not understanding the significance of this discovery.

"So we can dress up as Team Rocket members!"

"It won't fool them," Misty said.

"Why not? They always manage to fool people with their stupid disguises. I see no reason why we couldn't do the same."

"It's worth a shot, anyway," Tracey agreed.

"Oh, okay," said Brynna. "I wear a women's medium; can you find one in my size?"

Some time later

"I feel ridiculous," complained Misty. She didn't quite fill out the Team Rocket top she wore, and the boots were half a size too big and slid around on her feet when she walked. In addition to this outfit, she wore very large, very dark sunglasses that made it almost impossible for her to see in the dim light of the closet.

"Yeah, well that's because you look ridiculous!" Ash told her.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Misty roared.

Ash cringed.

"Shh, Misty, keep it down. We don't want Team Rocket to know we're here before we finish changing, do we? It'll mess up our plans completely."

"What is our plan, anyway?" asked Brynna.

"I'm gonna tell Giovanni that I know all about his evil plan, and then I'm gonna challenge him to a Pokémon battle!"

"Somehow," said Brynna, "I don't think that'll work. If you guys create a distraction though- pretend to be grunts confused about your orders, draw Giovanni's attention away for a while, I can hack into his computer and wipe any files that look like they might have to do with world domination. OK?"

"But won't he have backup? Or hard copies?"

"Those I can steal. And anyway, evil people don't usually. They don't think things all the way through. Which is why Good usually wins, unless Good," she glanced at Ash, "is Dumb. I shudder to think what might have happened had I not come with you."

Everyone glared at Brynna as they left the closet and started down the hall through one of the other doors (behind the third door was just another storage closet).

'Giovanni's Office This Way,' said a sign at the first intersection, with an arrow pointing left. They followed the signs until they were right outside Giovanni's office.

"Now remember, Ash, don't say anything that might mark you as anything other than a confused Rocket grunt, all right? You are not Ash, you don't come from the future, and you're not trying to foil his evil plans. Okay?"

"Okay," Ash replied.

'Giovanni's Office- Do Not Enter. This Means You. Yes, You, You Idiot,' read a sign on the door of Giovanni's office. They went in. Giovanni was at his desk doing paperwork.

"What do you want?" he asked, without looking up.

Before anyone else had a chance to say anything, Ash blurted out, "I come from the future, and I've been sent back in time to foil your evil plans!"

"Which evil plans?" Giovanni asked, looking confused.

"You know, your evil plans to take over the world-"

"'s supply of noodles," Misty interrupted. "You're going to steal every noodle in the world, and then, since you'll be the only one who has the noodles you can ask whatever price you like for them and people will have to pay it. You'll become rich and powerful, and it will help you with your plans to take over the world."

"Why'd you do that?" Ash whispered.

"Well, I wasn't sure if he'd actually come up with his plan to take over the world yet, and I didn't want to give him any ideas."

Giovanni looked more confused than ever. He stared at them for a moment, then picked up his phone and dialed. "Jena?" he said. "There are a bunch of twerps in my office. Send some of your people to remove them, will you?"

"Sure, Boss," said the person on the other end, whose name was apparently Jena.

After that, things were a bit of a blur. One minute they were being hit on the head by Team Rocket security guards, the next they were lying in the street in Goldenrod with people giving them funny looks and a wide berth. They got up, dusted themselves off, and looked at one another.

"Well," said Brynna finally, "you lot really screwed that one up, didn't you?"

((Gretchen, Ferris, their motto, their talking Espeon,the Twerpdex, Gretchen's Evil Lines for AllOccasions, etc.belong to my little sister. I'm just borrowing them because I ran low on character ideas. I did write the rest of their lines, though.))


	14. In Which People Are In the Wrong Place a...

**Chapter 14: In Which People Are In the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time**

Pikachu, Tracey, Ash, Brock, Brynna, and Misty were finally in their room at the Pokémon Center. That hadn't been easy to accomplish- they were still wearing their Team Rocket disguises and Nurse Joy, thinking that they were Team Rocket members, had refused to let them in. At last, they'd managed to convince her, but it had been pretty hard.

At the moment, Pikachu was doing acrobatics invisibly on Ash's bed just for the hell of it, and Brynna was watching him and formulating numerous scientific theories as to why Ash's mattress was bouncing up and down of its own accord (she still didn't believe in the whole invisible-Pikachu thing, even though it was a lot more logical than any of the explanations she'd managed to come up with).

Ash looked over at Pikachu. "Whoa, my bed's bouncing up and down all by itself! Maybe it's possessed by an evil spirit or something!"

Misty squinted at it, as if that'd help her see if there was an invisible Pokémon there, which it wouldn't. "Nah, I think it's just Pikachu," she said.

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"I wonder if it's dinnertime yet?" Ash said finally.

"Ash, you just had lunch. It's only one in the afternoon."

"Ah. It's not dinnertime then. I can't think how I could've been so stupid. Sorry."

Misty blinked. Ash was exhibiting signs of having an IQ that might actually be in the double digits.

"How could I think it was dinnertime when it's actually time for my early afternoon snack?"

... Well, maybe not.

Ash looked at the others strangely, wondering why they seemed to think he'd just said something stupid.

((Wait, wait, wait! You people aren't supposed to be in this chapter! This chapter is supposed to be all about Team Rocket and their evil plans!))

"Pika, pika pi chu ka ika pikachu. (Well, I want to be in this chapter.)"

((Bless you.))

"Achu? (Huh?)"

((Bless you again. Have you got a cold?))

"Pika pi pik pi ka pichu pi ka? (What in the world are you talking about?)"

((....Wait a minute, are you taking over the story again?))

"Pika, cha? (Yeah, so?)"

((You know what that means, don't you?))

"Pi? (What?)"

((You've got to go back to the mental hospital.))

"Pi! Pika pi chu! (No! Anything but that!)"

((Okay, okay, I won't send you to the mental hospital. Will you go to weekly group therapy, then?))

Pikachu had a sudden vision of himself sitting in a room full of other Pokémon while an overly cheery Nurse Joy said, "Pikachu? Would you like to talk to us about your problem?" He shuddered.

"Pi (No)," he said stubbornly.

((Okay, okay,fine. Just try not to cause too much trouble from now on, okay?))

"Kachu. (Okay.)"

((Gesundheit.))

"Pi? (What?)"

((...Never mind. I might as well finish the chapter now that I've- or you've- started it....))

"Where are those Pikachu noises coming from?" Brynna wondered aloud.

"From Pikachu, of course," Ash informed her.

"I know that, but where _is_ Pikachu?"

"On my bed. He's invisible again."

"You know, I'm really getting sick of this joke."

"What joke?"

"The one about your Pikachu being invisible."

"Oh, that. That's not a joke."

"Suuuure it's not."

"Really! I mean it!"

"Oh, I give up. I'm getting nowhere with this."

"I think," Misty announced, "that I'm going to get a separate room from you guys. You're always arguing."

"Oh, and you're perfectly even-tempered," Brock said sarcastically. "I want my own room, too."

"We could share one," offered Misty.

"No thanks," Brock replied.

Misty looked slightly disappointed. "I'll have to pay the full cost of the room myself, even though there'll be more beds and stuff than I'm using."

"And here I thought you asked because you wanted the pleasure of my company," Brock joked.

"You thought I wanted _your_ company? As _if_."

"Since when do you say 'as if'?"

"Since now. Why? Is there some problem with it?"

"It makes you sound ditzy."

"I'm not ditzy!"

"Is it just me or do we do nothing at all but bicker?"

"What, you and me?"

"No, all of us."

"Hey, I don't bicker," Tracey protested.

"Shut up," snapped Misty. "I hate you."

"What?" said Tracey confusedly. "Why?"

"You're too... too _calm_, that's why. And you're obsessed with sketching. I mean, every five minutes, you say 'Ooh, a Pikachu! I want to draw it! Ooh, a Ditto! I want to draw it! Ooh, a Caterpie! I want to draw it! Ooh, a rock! I want to draw it!' It's really weird."

"Yeah well.... well... well, you wear suspenders with shorts and a tank top! What's with _that_?"

"Oh yeah, well, only gay men notice fashion!"

"That's just a stereotype, and it's not true! And I don't have a girl's name!"

"Yes you do!"

"Well, maybe I do, but I can't _help_ it! It's my mother's fault, and it isn't fair to tease me about it!"

"I _wasn't_! You were the one who brought it up!"

"I was not!"

"Oh yes you _were_!"

"Pika pi achu ka pik pika. (I think we ought to end this scene now, don't you?)" Pikachu suggested.

((...It'd probably be best, yes.))


	15. In Which There Is Much Plotting and Plan...

**Chapter 15: In Which There Is Much Plotting and Planning**

((This is much like my one-shot, "Getting Down to Business." If you read it and liked it, lucky you. If you read it and hated it, I'm sorry, but you'll have to read it because it's important plot development.))

It was perfectly normal chaos in the Team Rocket meeting room. Stephanie, head of the Department of Evil Plans, was singing a duet with her Jigglypuff. Laurel, Frank, Ted and Joe heads of the departments of Evil Mottoes, Evil Laughs, Evil Technology (manufacturing division), and Evil Disguises, respectively, who were sitting nearest her, had dozed off. Mina head of department of Evil Technology, research and development division had taken out a permanent marker and was drawing complicated plans for a New and Improved Rocketmobile on the fake-wood table, and Jon head of department of Evil Rules was yelling at her, because it said in some obscure rule of Team Rocket that drawing in black permanent marker on tables was prohibited. Kristine head of department of evil costumes had borrowed another one of Mina's markers, and was designing outfits. But she was using a teal marker, so it was okay. Gretchen (you've already met her, remember?) was adding about fifty-nine new chapters to her book, Gretchen's Evil Lines for All Occasions. Jena, who was in charge of the Department of Evil Security, was tossing a Pokéball in the air and catching it, looking intensely bored. Jessie and James were arguing. Caryl, who ran the department of Evil Admissions and was also occasionally the secretary, was simply sitting in her chair with her head in her hands, looking as though she had a very bad headache.

Giovanni entered, sat down in his seat at the head of the table, and announced, "This meeting of the Team Rocket Department Heads will now come to order."

The announcement had absolutely no effect on the assembled Team Rocket executives.

"I SAID," he shouted, "THIS MEETING OF TEAM ROCKET DEPARTMENT HEADS WILL NOW COME TO ORDER!"

The others fell silent, mostly. Giovanni smiled. "That's better. Now, the secretary will read the minutes of our previous meeting."

"Uh, Giovanni?" said Jon.

"What?"

"We don't have a secretary anymore, remember?"

"Oh. Forget the minutes then. Actually, forget the old and new business, too. I have something that I'd like to discuss."

The Team Rocket department heads looked politely attentive.

"This afternoon," Giovanni began, "five twerps got into my office. Would you, by any chance, know how this happened?" He glared at Jena- it was her responsibility to keep twerps out of the Headquarters, after all.

"I've no idea," Jena replied truthfully. "Even if they somehow got hold of a card key, which I don't see how they could've, the next bit should've been impossible to get through for someone who didn't know the proper switch combination. And even if they did manage to get through that part somehow, I had people guarding the doors who should've stopped them."

"Hm. Exactly who did you have guarding the doors, Jena?"

Several Team Rocket members who shall remain nameless tried to make themselves small and inconspicuous, and failed utterly.

"Jessie and James, Gretchen and her partner, and these two kids named Bob and Dalton."

Immediately, Jessie said, "It was his fault!"

"No it wasn't!" James said defensively. "It was hers!"

"Well, you were the one who had us guarding the wrong side of the door!"

"Yeah, but _you_ were the one who insisted that we say the motto!"

"_You_ were the one who left the card key in the pocket of your other skirt!"

"Oh yeah, and who was it that insisted that we only needed one card key in the first place, huh? Not me, that's for sure."

Jessie hit James with a large mallet that appeared in her hand out of nowhere.

"Ow," squeaked James. "Where'd the mallet come from?"

"I stole it from Misty because I couldn't find my fan."

Giovanni sighed, wondering what in the world he'd been thinking when he made those two heads of the department of Taking Out Trash. Not much, apparently. Well, no, that wasn't strictly true. He'd thought that supervising the taking out and bringing in of the complex's many wastebaskets and trash cans every day would keep them busy and out of trouble. How wrong he'd been. Allowing them access to the Special Executive Lunchroom, the Special Executive Rest Rooms, and the Special Executive Coatrack, Lightswitches, and Wastebasket- not to mention the staff meetings- had only given them more opportunity to mess things up. And it seemed to have given Jena the sad, misguided idea that they were actually competent, contributing members of Team Rocket. Which couldn't have been further from the truth.

While he'd been thinking this, many side conversations had started up. "QUIET!" he roared. The room fell silent, except for the sound of Caryl getting up to get some Advil for her headache.

"That's better," Giovanni said with satisfaction. "The next person who talks out of turn will be fired, you understand me?"

There was much frantic nodding.

"Right, then. Jessie, James, I'll deal with you two later."

Jessie and James looked terrified.

"Now," Giovanni continued, "since our headquarters have been found, we will have to move to our secondary location. The move will take place in about a week. I want better security systems ready by then, understand, Jena?"

Jena nodded frantically.

"Now, one of the twerps who broke in got into my computer and deleted all files from the folder marked 'World Domination Plans'."

"That's what you get for staying logged in all the time, and labeling your folders so clearly," muttered Mina.

"What was that?" Giovanni asked, in tones that were rather too calm, glaring at the offending Team Rocket member.

"...Never mind," Mina said sheepishly.

"They also," Giovanni continued, "stole all of my backup discs."

Mina began to say, "I bet that was because they were all clearly marked 'World Domination Plans' and were in a neat, easily findable stack on your desk," but thought better of it.

"Those files contained the results of years' worth of calculation and plotting. The loss of them is a severe setback to our plans. However, one of them accidentally gave me a very good idea."

The other Team Rocket members looked at him expectantly.

"We can steal all the noodles in the world, and then we can ask outrageous prices for them and people will _have_ to pay us, because we'll be the only source of noodles there is! Was I not brilliant to think of that?"

Everyone nodded frantically.

"I want a complete Evil Plan by morning. Get on it, Stephanie," he ordered. Stephanie nodded.

"Oh, and before I forget... I'm surprised at you, Gretchen. I can usually count on you to keep out nosy twerps, but this time, you have utterly failed me."

Gretchen didn't reply.

"Answer me!" Giovanni demanded. Gretchen looked confused. After brief consideration, Giovanni realized what was wrong. "It's all right," he said, "you can talk, I won't fire you."

"That stupid twerp cheated!" Gretchen fumed. "He was on his third Pokémon, I was still on my first, and his stupid Pikachu thundershocked me and knocked me out!"

"The fault is yours," Giovanni told her. "You should have cheated long before he had the chance."

"Yes, Boss. Sorry, Boss," replied Gretchen, nodding.

"And now, if you're all quite done with your impressions of those bobblehead-Growlithe dashboard ornaments on a bumpy road, we'll adjourn the meeting," Giovanni announced.

He wondered if it was just his imagination, or if everyone looked incredibly relieved to be going.


	16. In Which There Is Much Insanity and Many...

**Chapter 16: In Which There Is Much Insanity and Many Noodles (But No Time Travel)**

All that week, noodles disappeared from stores and restaurants all over Johto. And not just Johto, either- noodles were disappearing from Kanto, Hoenn, the Orange Islands... everywhere there had been noodles, there was now something that looked suspiciously like an absence of them. Everyone was puzzled. Where had the noodles gone? Were they being stolen? Who the hell would want to steal noodles, anyway? Some suggested that it was Team Rocket, others that it was some new evil, and still others that it was a hungry Snorlax with a noodle addiction. A few thought that it was the doing of the Giant Machops from Space, and began proclaiming this loudly to anyone who would listen. They couldn't think why everyone they knew suddenly started giving them funny looks and stopped talking to them.

The progress being made on the Noodle Project made Giovanni happy. Soon he would have every noodle in the world, and they could make their announcement. They could let the world know that they now had to pay Team Rocket 100 (p-like symbol) per noodle, and Team Rocket would become rich! Richer than it was already, anyway.

Ash, however, was not quite so happy when the Kwik-E-Mart was out of his favorite kind of instant noodle for three days in a row. And then one day, he went shopping for food and there were NO NOODLES AT ALL.

"Someone has stolen all the noodles!" Ash proclaimed dramatically, causing most of the other shoppers to look at him strangely and a few to suddenly remember that they had pressing business elsewhere.

"I'll bet I know who's behind this evil plot!" Ash continued, oblivious to the effect that he was having on the other people at the Kwik-E-Mart.

"Um, Ash," said Misty, trying to drag him out of the store by his arm, "perhaps we'd better go elsewhere to talk about this. It's not the place for-"

"I said," Ash interrupted, "I'll bet I know who's behind all this!"

There was a long pause.

"You're supposed to ask who it is," Ash whispered to his companions.

Misty, Brynna, Brock, Pikachu, and Tracey looked at one another. Finally Brock said, "Okay, who is it?"

"TEAM ROCKET!" announced Ash loudly.

"No, really?" said Brynna.

"Really," Ash said, missing the sarcasm entirely. "We have to stop them! Come on, let's go to the Team Rocket headquarters!"

He dashed towards the exit to the store, knocking over quite a few things on the way.

"Ash! Hey, Ash! Wait up!" called Misty. "I'm going with you!"

"Oh, Misty," sighed Ash, "you really do care!"

"About you? No," said Misty, sounding ever so slightly disgusted. "But I care about noodles."

"Oh," said Ash, looking disappointed.

"I'm coming with you guys too," said Brynna. "You wouldn't be able to get in without me."

"I'm going too, because Brynna's going!" exclaimed Brock. "And such a beautiful lady certainly should not be allowed to venture into danger alone!"

"I can take care of myself," said Brynna, slapping Brock.

"Hey! I didn't do anything do deserve that," he muttered.

"And I'm coming," Tracey said, interrupting what might have turned into another argument, "because you never know when there might be interesting things to sketch!"

"Pika pichi ka acha," added Pikachu.

They set off down the street to the Underground, which they entered, then took their Card Key and went through the door marked, "Top Secret Team Rocket Headquarters." Brynna flipped the switches quickly. They went through the maze to the other side, through the door at that end, and down the hall, all the while looking around warily for Team Rocket members that might be hiding in the shadows. There weren't any.

"I don't like this," said Misty nervously. "No one's tried to stop us."

"You're right," Brynna agreed. "It's too easy. I get the feeling that we're walking into a trap."

"They're probably just not expecting us," Ash said confidently.

"If I wasn't so worried that you guys couldn't get the noodles back without me," said Misty, "I'd leave now."

"But we have to get the noodles back from the evil Team Rocket!" Ash cried.

"And you were planning on doing that... how? By making the entire organization 'blast off' from who knows how many yards underground?" asked Misty.

"I'm gonna challenge Giovanni to a Pokémon battle! If I win, he'll have to give me the noodles!"

"Remind me again why you've been following this idiot for nine years?" Brynna asked Misty.

"Oh, various reasons."

"Like what?"

"Never mind that now," Misty replied, looking slightly embarrassed. "Anyway, I haven't been following him for the entire nine years. Just on and off."

They came to the end of the final hallway, and went into the vestibule where the closets were. From there, they entered the main building of the headquarters. No sooner had they gone in the door than they spotted Gretchen, sitting on a folding chair in the middle of the hallway. She was eating noodles and absentmindedly petting her Espeon.

"Oh, hello, I was wondering when you'd get here," she said nonchalantly, not looking up from her noodles.

"YOU HAVE NOODLES!" exclaimed Ash, staring at the aforementioned food item.

"Oh, yes, I meant to tell you, but I suppose it just... slipped my mind. We stole them all."

"I knew it!" cried Ash.

"What do you know, even idiots are right sometimes. But then, I suppose anyone can have a lucky guess."

"I was going to say that," muttered Brynna.

Gretchen stood up. "Oh, before I go... Giovanni me to tell you that he's your father...'s cousin's brother's best friend's former roommate."

"So what does that make him to me?" Ash said puzzledly, trying to figure it out.

"Absolutely nothing," replied Gretchen, "which is what you are about to become."

"WHAT?!" squawked Ash. "What do you mean?"

"Simple," said Gretchen. "The noodles have all been moved to a more secure location. This is no longer our headquarters. And the entire complex is set to blow up soon- but I won't say how long it will be, because that would be telling. Teleport, Cassandra, if you please."

Gretchen, noodles, and Espeon all shimmered and disappeared.


	17. In Which Misty Makes A Confession at a R...

**Chapter 17: In Which Misty Makes a Confession at a Rather Inconvenient Time**

"Aww, darn it, she took the noodles with her! I was hoping she'd leave them behind!" whined Ash. No one listened to him, however. They all had more pressing concerns, like the fact that the building was going to blow up soon.

"She could have just been bluffing," suggested Misty, rather doubtfully.

"And she didn't say how long it would be. We might have hours yet before it explodes," Brock said optimistically.

"Or seconds," Brynna observed gloomily.

"Well, in any case, we should at least try and get to the door," said Brock.

"All right," everyone agreed, including Ash, who wasn't really paying attention.

"This building will self-destruct in approximately three minutes," said the calm, prerecorded female voice that always says this sort of thing in movies. "Have a nice day."

"What?!" exclaimed Brock. "We can't get out of here that fast!"

There was a brief pause.

"So, I guess this is the end, then," said Misty unnecessarily.

"No! It can't be!" yelled Brynna. "I don't want to die with you people!"

"Hey, I resent that!" said Misty angrily, brandishing her mallet.

"Don't worry, Misty," Brynna said soothingly, "I wasn't talking about you. You're not that bad- well, you wouldn't be, if you stopped hanging around with those freaks." She nodded towards Ash, Brock, and Tracey.

"Gee, thanks, Brynna," Misty replied sarcastically.

"You're very welcome," Brynna told her.

There was another pause.

"Brock?" Misty said finally, breaking the silence.

"What, Misty?"

"I hadn't planned on telling you this... but..."

"What is it?"

"I don't want to die without you knowing that... I love you, Brock!"

Ash looked crushed. Brock just looked confused.

"You... what?" said Brock, thinking that he couldn't have heard her right.

"I love you. I know I shouldn't love you, because you're always flirting with other girls but you mostly ignore me and you have no eyes to speak of and you cook and clean and wear a frilly pink apron- not that any of that's bad, or anything," she added hastily, "just, you're not the sort of guy I ever pictured myself falling in love with. But I love you anyway and I want you to know that before we die."

"That's... nice..."

"WHAT?! Here you spend practically all your time complaining that none of the pretty girls you're in love with want anything to do with you, and now a pretty girl is confessing her love to you and all you can say is 'that's nice'?!"

"Uh, guys?" Brynna began.

"Er, I'm sorry, Misty, but I just don't think of you that way..."

"Hey, guys?" Brynna tried again, only to be interrupted by Misty.

"ARE YOU INSULTING MY LOOKS?!?!?!" Misty grabbed her mallet out of... well, wherever Misty's mallet goes when she isn't using it.

"Guys..." Brynna started to say, but was cut off once again, this time by Brock.

"N-no, Misty, I didn't mean it that way, I just-"

"HEY YOU GUYS!" Brynna yelled. Everyone turned to look at her. "Thank you. I hate to interrupt your soap opera, but we don't have to die!"

"We don't?" said Ash. "How come?"

"Because of that convenient little plot hole over there which I've been trying to call your attention to for the past fifteen minutes."

"But it hasn't been fifteen minutes yet," Ash said confusedly.

"I was exaggerating. Anyhow, if we hurry, we can make it through before the building blows up. Come on!"

They threw themselves through the plot hole, and landed hard on a grassy hill not far from Goldenrod City.

"Ow," they said, almost in unison.

"Anyway, Misty," Brock continued as if nothing had happened, "what I meant was, I met you when you were a kid, too young to be a... a dating prospect." Here Brock paused briefly as a loud explosion and a burst of fiery light came from the general direction of Goldenrod. "So I got to know you as a friend first," Brock went on. "And then when you were old enough for me to be interested in you, um, romantically, I was so used to you being a friend that I kind of didn't notice that you were also a pretty girl. Um. You know what I mean?"

"And it also didn't occur to you that no matter what you thought of _her_, _she_ might still have a crush on _you_, even though it was pretty obvious that she did," Brynna commented.

"What?" said Brock, looking at her blankly. Everyone else did more or less the same.

"Oh, please," said Brynna, sounding rather disgusted at everyone else's obliviousness, "don't tell me none of you noticed!"

"Okay," replied Ash, "we won't tell you, then. We'll just keep it a secret."

"Come on, it was so obvious! The way she never lets him talk to girls, and always looks kind of jealous when he does. The way she argues with him all the time-"

"If Misty arguing with someone is a sign that she loves them," interrupted Brock, "then Misty's in love with half the world."

"Good point," conceded Brynna. "But her fighting with you is different. Everyone else she just insults and yells at and intimidates, but she actually lets you think of some sort of comeback. I think she's picking fights with you on purpose because that's the only way she'll get you to talk to her."

"She argues with Ash too," said Brock. "It's just that Ash can rarely think of comebacks other than 'Oh yeah? Wanna settle this with a Pokemon battle?'"

"Anyway, there's also the way she seems to resent having me along, as if she were perhaps jealous of the attention I get from Brock." Under her breath, she added, "Though Latios knows I'd rather he paid attention to her than to me..."

"Ever consider that maybe I just don't like you because you're a bitchy know-it-all?" muttered Misty, but Brynna either didn't hear or ignored her.

"That's about it, I think," Brynna concluded.

"She should stick to analyzing Pokemon behavior," Misty said under her breath. "She's better at it. Not that that's saying much."

"I never knew that any of that meant that she loved me," said Brock. "I thought it was just Misty being Misty."

"People never see anything that they don't want or expect to see. It's one of the quirks of humankind."

"Like you don't believe that Pikachu can go invisible when he wants to, so you refuse to see the evidence that he's there even when you can't see him? Like the disappearing Pokémon food and the bed that bounces of its own accord and things?" Misty asked innocently.

"Oh, will you stop with the invisible-Pikachu thing already? It might've been funny the first time, but it isn't funny now. I'm getting sick of it."

"It's not a joke!" protested Ash.

"So you don't love me, then?" Misty asked Brock, looking all tearful and kicked-Growlithe-ish- most unlike her usual self.

"It's not that I don't love you, Misty. I do love you. But I love you more as... as a friend or a sister, not the way I love Brynna, or that Team Rocket woman, what was her name? Gretchen, that's it... or Wilhelmina, or Suzie, or Sissy, or Lorelei, or..." He went on in this vein for some time, listing nearly every girl he had fallen for in the past, well, who knew how much time. "... or Nurse Joy, or Officer Jenny..." Brock trailed off, most likely lost in fantasies involving himself and one or more of the aforementioned women.

"Pika PIK pika pi cha (I did NOT need to know that)," Pikachu informed the author.

((Sorry.))

"Officer Jenny!" exclaimed Ash, as if Brock had just reminded him of something.

"What about her?" asked Tracey.

"We can find one and tell her about what happened, and she can find Team Rocket and get our noodles back!"

"Yeah, right," Misty scoffed, seemingly over her heartbreak now, at least temporarily. "Since when has going to the police ever worked?"

"Well, it's probably worth a try," argued Ash.

"He's probably right," Tracey agreed.

"It certainly can't hurt," added Brock.

Misty sighed. "Fine," she said. "Why not?"

And so, off they all went to see if anything remained of the police station in Goldenrod.


	18. In Which Peace, Order, and Noodles are R...

**Chapter 18: In Which Peace, Order, and Noodles are Restored... Well, Sort Of**

"...And that's what happened," said Misty, concluding their tale. The Goldenrod Officer Jenny (who, thankfully, had not been blown up after all) looked skeptical.

"So this worldwide noodle shortage is caused by Team Rocket stealing all the noodles, following a plan that you five-"

"Pika!" interjected Pikachu, but Officer Jenny ignored him.

"-accidentally gave them," she continued, "while trying to stop them from taking over the world?"

"That's right, Officer," Tracey confirmed.

"And how did you know that they were planning world domination?" Officer Jenny asked.

"Well, they're Team Rocket," Misty said, a little too quickly (probably she was trying to get her answer in before Ash told the improbable, if truthful, time-travel story). "They're always plotting something, aren't they?"

"If that's the case, why did you choose now to go after them as opposed to any other time? Why not last week, or last month? Or next month, for that matter?"

"We were bored and there was nothing on TV?" Misty offered.

"Ha, ha," said Officer Jenny sourly. "There's something fishy about your story, but I can't quite figure out what it is..." she paused, then said, in mock excitement, "Aha, I've got it now! It sounds fishy 'cause it's the most ridiculous crap I've ever heard! Nonconformist jigglypuffs that can write... almost-missed boats... Phanpies outside of Olivine, of all places... inept Team Rocket members, some of whom are actually Nurse Joys in disguise... noodles...it's just outrageous. Next you'll be telling me that you come from two thousand years in the future and you were sent back in time to stop Team Rocket from taking over the world."

"Of course not," said Ash. "That's just silly."

"Oh good, at least you make some vague concessions to reality."

"We only come from... let's see... about... um, less than ten years in the future," Ash told her matter-of-factly.

"So you're telling me you really do come from the future, huh?"

"Yeah," said Ash. "All of us but Brynna, that is. She comes from Erehwon Island."

"Oh, Ash, this is no time for your weird jokes," Brynna said.

"Yeah," agreed Misty, nudging Ash meaningfully in the ribs, "stop telling silly stories."

"It's not a joke!" protested Ash. "I'm telling the truth!"

"Oh, yes, just like you're telling the truth about your Pikachu being invisible," Brynna said sarcastically.

Ash, of course, was too dumb to notice the sarcasm. "See," he told Officer Jenny, "she believes me. Don't you, Brynna?"

"No, I don't, actually," Brynna said disgustedly. "I was being sarcastic."

"Oh," said Ash. "I couldn't tell."

I'll spare you the rest of their conversation with Officer Jenny because it'd take up about eight pages all by itself and was, after this point, fairly circular.

Some hours later, Officer Jenny finally said, "Fine. We'll look into it. Leave me a number where you can be reached, and I'll get back to you later."

"Thanks!" said Ash happily, handing her the business card of the Pokémon Center where they were staying. Brock, of course, said, "No, how about you leave me your number, and I'll call you-"

"I SAID, I'll get back to you later. Now go away. I have real crimes to investigate."

The six of them (that'd be Brynna, Brock, Misty, Ash, Tracey, and Pikachu) hurriedly exited the police station and went back to the Pokémon Center.

Time passed. Ash ate lots of food. Brock tried to talk to Brynna. Brynna was sarcastic. Misty went shopping. Pikachu tap-danced. Tracey sketched. The phone did not ring.

"Oh, well," said Misty, "it's only been a day. They might not have found anything yet."

Time passed. Ash ate some more. Brock called Nurse Joy and asked her out. She hung up on him. Brynna argued with people. Misty got fed up with people and hit them. Pikachu played the kazoo. Tracey sketched. The phone still did not ring.

"It hasn't been a week quite yet," Ash said hopefully. "Maybe they'll call tomorrow."

Time passed. Brock flirted with Nurse Joy some more. She slapped him. Misty complained about how much money the room at the Pokémon Center was costing her. Ash argued with her. Brynna pointedly ignored everyone, except when she felt like hitting them or yelling at them. Pikachu wrote a novel. Tracey sketched. The phone STILL didn't ring.

Time discarded two cards. Space discarded three, and Chance discarded one. Fate passed. Time upped the ante by two dollars, and Space folded.

Finally, Officer Jenny called.

"Okay," she said grudgingly, "you were right. Some weirdo named Giovanni has just interrupted all the TV programs somehow to announce that he's stolen all the noodles and if we want any we must pay ten (p-like symbol) per noodle, or something like that. I'll look into it, but I can't promise anything- as I said before, I have real crimes to investigate."

"Like what?" said Tracey, who had been chosen to answer the phone because he was smarter than Ash, less temperamental than Misty, nicer than Brynna, and not as desperate as Brock (who'd probably spend the entire phone call hitting on Officer Jenny until she hung up in disgust). Of course, none of this was really saying much.

"Like, oh, say, who blew up half of Goldenrod last week!" Officer Jenny said exasperatedly.

Tracey seemed slightly surprised. "But it's the same person!"

"The same person as what?" Officer Jenny asked confusedly.

"The same one who stole all the noodles," Tracey told her.

"Really," Officer Jenny said skeptically. It was not really a question so much as it was an expression of disbelief.

"Really." Tracey assured her.

"Well, the problem is, I only have your word on that and I kind of sort of don't entirely believe it. Look, I have to go now. There are, as I have repeatedly told you, real crimes I must attend to."

"But what about my noodles?" Ash cried from somewhere off to the side of the vidphone unit.

"If you want noodles, you've just got to wait until they make more," Jenny said irritably. "This Giovanni guy didn't steal the noodle-making machines, genius that he was." And with that, she hung up.

"Aww... I didn't get to talk to her at all," Brock complained. Misty looked annoyed and rather hurt, and opened her mouth to say something. Then she happened to look at Ash, and when she saw the look on his face, she stopped.

Ash was staring at nothing in particular, an expression of utter shock on his face.

"What the hell is your problem?" Misty asked him.

"They cam make more noodles! I never realized they could make more noodles! I can have noodles again! This is great!"

"...I'm sorry I asked," Misty said, giving him a strange look.

-----------------------

In the new Top Secret Team Rocket Headquarters (No Twerps Allowed- This Means You), Giovanni and Stephanie (head of department of Evil Plans) were sitting in a room full of noodles.

"Well, it looks like no one wants these," Stephanie said unhappily. "We've been here since your broadcast this morning and not a single person has come.

"Great. Just great," grumbled Giovanni. "What will we do with these things now?"

"Well, we could always eat the noodles, Boss. And so could the other Rockets. That'd get rid of these pretty quickly, knowing the way that some of our team members eat."

Giovanni stared at Stephanie with much the same expression that Ash had worn when Officer Jenny suggested making more noodles. "That's it!" he exclaimed. "Stephanie, you're a genius!"


	19. In Which They Go Back to the Future

**Chapter 19: In Which They Go Back to the Future**

"Well," said Misty the next day, sitting in their room at the Pokémon Center again, "we've accomplished what we set out to do. We've stopped Team Rocket from taking over the world."

"This time, anyway," amended Brynna. "They might try again."

"Nah," said Ash. "They won't. They'll be too scared of me now."

Everyone ignored this comment, as it was far too stupid to deserve an answer.

"We really ought to go back... I mean, forward... now," Tracey said. "Since we've accomplished our goal and all that."

"Yeah, we should," agreed Ash and Misty. But Brock looked a little disappointed. "But in the future, in our time, Brynna's too old for me and I haven't gotten a chance to win her over yet!"

"I'm not too old for you," Misty said, in a lame and incredibly obvious attempt to get Brock to notice her instead.

"I've told you and told you, I'm not interested," Brock replied.

"Well, this is certainly a reversal of the normal situation," Tracey muttered.

"I'll just smile and nod and pretend that I know what the hell you people are talking about, shall I?" Brynna cut in irritably. "What's all this about going back to the future?"

Before anyone else could say anything, Ash launched into his story about how and why they'd come.

"...so then we pressed the red button and we landed on Erehwon Island, only it was Erehwon Island now, not Erehwon Island in the future, and then we walked, and then we walked some more, and then we didn't have lunch, and then we-"

"Yes, yes, I know the rest," Brynna interrupted. "Look, I've had about enough of this. Either you people are all compulsive liars, or you're insane, and I'm leaning towards the latter at the moment."

"Leaning towards what ladder?" said Ash confusedly. "I don't see any ladders."

"Oh, shut up, Brainless Wonder," Brynna snapped.

"My name isn't Brainless Wonder, it's-"

"Ash Ketchum, I know, I know. Anyway, I'm sick of you people and your crazy stories and your... your utter unscientificness. And now that you've saved the world or whatever crazy delusional thing you think you've accomplished, you can take your stupid 'invisible Pikachu' and go back to the future or wherever the hell you came from, or you can try and convince the police that it was Team Rocket who blew up half of Goldenrod two weeks ago, or you can fly to the moon to live with the Giant Machops from Space, for all I care. I'm going to Kanto to study to be a Pokémon Researcher, and none of you are coming with me. Goodbye." Brynna stood up, picked up her conveniently placed, already-packed bag, and strode towards the door.

"Nooo!" cried Brock, lunging for her and grabbing her by the ankle so that she couldn't leave. "What will I do if I can't be with you? You are the love of my life-"

"Go leer at a Nurse Joy, you oversexed, idiotic freak," Brynna said coldly, trying to shake Brock off. Brock looked devastated.

"Hey!" cried an enraged Misty. "No one talks to my Brock that way and gets away with it?"

"So Señor Squinty over here is a wimp and a coward as well as an oversexed idiotic freak with no eyes? He must be, if you have to fight his battles for him."

"I am extremely insulted!" yelled Misty, brandishing her mallet. "You can't say that sort of thing!"

"Oh yeah, and what are you going to do about it, Ms. Permanently PMS-ing?" Brynna challenged, pulling out a mallet of her own.

"You're one to talk," muttered Misty.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Oh no... Meowthfight," said Tracey, and took shelter under the nearest piece of furniture. So did Brock. Ash, of course, stood stupidly in the middle of the room and wondered what was going on.

There was much scuffling and yelling and mallet-ing, and when the dust settled, Brynna was standing and Misty was lying on the floor with spirals for eyes.

"Sorry about that," said Brynna coolly. "I thought she was okay before she started getting all soppy about her Brocky-Wocky. But now, of course..." Brynna shrugged, made a face, and walked out the door. Ash stared stupidly after her.

"Is she gone?" asked Tracey in a hushed voice.

"Yeah," said Ash, loudly as usual.

"That's a relief," replied Tracey, emerging from underneath the bed. Brock followed a few seconds later, not looking quite so relieved.

"I thought she was my one true love! How could she say such terrible things about me?" he said melodramatically. "She-"

Whatever he had been about to say was cut short as he saw a Nurse Joy walk down the hall. He ran out of the room and dashed after her, shouting, "Nurse Joy, you have to help me! I'm sick! See, whenever I see your face, my knees get weak..."

((Yes, I did steal that line from that Brock song... I'm not very good at making up cheesy pickup lines for Brock. Sorry.))

He returned a few moments later, with a red blotch roughly the size and shape of Nurse Joy's hand on his face. "Why don't the girls I like ever like me back?" he groaned. Misty would probably have had something to say about this, but fortunately, she was still unconscious.

Several minutes later, Misty awoke. "Ooh, my head..." she moaned. "I feel like it's been stepped on by a Rapidash." She paused for a few seconds, and then said, "All right, I'm fine now. My five-minute-maximum injury time limit is up."

"Your what-what-whatty-what?" Ash asked, with his customary blank look.

"Never mind."

The four of them-

"PikAAA!"

-and Pikachu traveled back to Erehwon Island, where they'd left the Time Traveling Device ™, later that day (they traveled by plot hole). They got in, and Misty followed the instructions in the manual that Professor Douglas-Fir had left them in order to get back to their own time. They pressed the big red button that said 'Press To Go,' and landed with a thud and an ouch- several ouches, actually- in a room that they recognized.

"We're back in Professor Douglas-Fir's lab!"

If Brynna had been with them, she probably would have said something along the lines of, "Thank you, Captain Obvious," but she wasn't, so she didn't.

As it was, the only person who said anything was Brock. "That Name!" he whimpered, cowering and turning blue. "Don'tmention That Name!"

"I thought Professor Ivy was That Name," said Ash.

Brock tried to cower even more, found that it wasn't possible, and settled for turning a deeper shade of blue and saying "DON'T SAY THAT NAME!" again, even more loudly.

"They can't both be That Name," Tracey told him.

"Yes they can!" replied Brock defensively.

"Come on, Brock," said Misty irritably, "let's go. Maybe we can get out before Bryn... um, Prof... I mean... you know who I mean... sees us."

No such luck. Bryn... Prof... er, You Know Who had already turned around to see what was going on, and was just in time to spot the five of them as they exited the Time Traveling Device ™.

"It's the freaks!" she exclaimed, obviously surprised. "What are you doing here? I thought I was well rid of you six years ago!"

"Oh, I'm hurt," Misty said sarcastically. "Your comment wounds me deeply. Anyway, as for why we're here..." She glanced at Tracey, Brock, Ash, and Pikachu, who shrugged, cowered, stared stupidly, and went invisible, respectively.

"...It's kind of a long story," Misty finished.


	20. Which Is The Epilogue

**Chapter 20: Which Is the Epilogue**

_Two weeks later_

"This sucks," complained Misty.

"What does?" said Ash, with his mouth full of noodles.

"You know, this whole... thing," she said, lowering her voice slightly so no one would overhear.

"What, the restaurant?" Ash asked puzzledly.

Brock shook his head. "No, I think she means the whole business with the... you know..." he lowered his voice as well "...time travel," he clarified.

"Oh, THAT," said Ash loudly. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

"Well, because I don't want anyone to hear me talking about time travel," Misty whispered.

"What's wrong with talking about time travel?" asked Ash, who was still not whispering. Several of the people at nearby tables gave them odd looks; they ignored it. They were used to it by now.

"Never mind," Misty told him.

"Well, anyway, why does it suck?" Ash asked.

"Because we went back in time and we managed to save the world from Team Rocket, only nobody knows. So we get no thanks. I mean, they don't even know that we're the same people, because they think no one could possibly be in two places at once and they know we were elsewhere. And maybe that's a good thing, because if they did think it was us we'd have a reputation as those loonies who were convinced that Team Rocket was responsible for stealing noodles and blowing up Goldenrod...."

"True," agreed Brock.

"And besides, I thought I was going to die, so I confessed my love for Brock, but then we didn't die and it's all... uncomfortable now. If I hadn't gone back in time, that wouldn't've happened."

"Why don't we stop talking about that?" said Brock, who looked rather uncomfortable himself. "I mean, what's done is done, we don't need to, you know, dwell on it or anything."

"Okay. Fine," Misty replied. "Now it's someone else's turn to say why it sucked."

"Why?" asked Tracey.

"Because I'm done with mine," Misty told him.

"No, I meant, why do you want to know other people's reasons why it sucked?"

Misty shrugged. "Just out of curiosity, really."

"I can tell you why I didn't enjoy it," Brock volunteered.

"Okay, why not?"

"One word. Um... no, three words."

"And they are?" Misty asked impatiently.

"You-know-who," whispered Brock.

"Who, Voldemort?" asked Tracey. Everyone else looked at him blankly.

"Who's Voldemort? Is he a professor, too?" asked Ash.

"Uh... never mind," Tracey told him.

"Anyway, next time I fall for a professor, remind me that it's a bad idea," Brock said. "It never ends well."

"But you never listen to reason when you're... ah... in love," Misty pointed out.

"Just say... um... just say That Name next time I meet a young female professor, okay?"

Ash said the words "That Name" loudly, causing several of his fellow restaurant-goers to remember that they had places to go that were far away from the nutcases at the next table. Ash didn't notice. "Like that?" he asked.

"No, I think he meant that we should say Professor-" Tracey began.

"Don't mention That Name!" said Brock, curling up and turning blue and causing some of those diners whom Ash had not scared away previously to ask the waiter to hurry up with their check.

"... I didn't," Tracey informed him.

"Yes, but you were going to," argued Brock.

Tracey gave up (a wise decision, for once).

Misty, however, did not. "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself, Brock," she told him.

"Why do I feel like I've suddenly switched fandoms?" muttered Tracey.

"Huh?" said the other three.

Tracey sighed. "The author throws me in at the beginning of the story in order to prevent the rest of you from spending the whole twenty chapters of it fighting. Then she forgets about me for over half the story, and _then_ she sticks me in again at the end to do all the fourth-wall-breaking that Brynna is no longer doing and makes me look completely insane! And she expects me to just sit there and take it! Well, I will not stand for it anymore!"

Tracey was yelling quite loudly by this point, and was also standing on his chair. The few remaining nearby restaurant-goers were getting up and leaving in a way that they probably thought was furtive or tactful. Tracey, realizing what he had done, shut up, and quiet descended over the now nearly-deserted restaurant.

"He's finally snapped," said Misty, in a hushed tone.

Tracey shook his head. "No... I'm fine. I, uh, don't know what came over me. Sorry." He sat back down, and said (perhaps a little too brightly) "Anyone else have anything to complain about?"

"Well," said Ash, "I didn't have the chance to beat any Team Rocket members in Pokémon battles."

------------------

Pikachu stood at the front desk of the Goldenrod Center for Troubled Pokémon. When the Chansey who manned the desk came over to ask him what he was there for, he pretended to be extremely interested in a pamphlet with a Bulbasaur on the front that said, "Don't Give In to Peer Pressure- Just Say No to Evolution!"

"Chansey! Chanseychan? (Pikachu! Back to join Ketchupholics Anonymous again?)" the Chansey said cheerily.

"Pi. Pikupika pichu pi (No. I'm here for Rehabilitation for Would-Be Rulers of the World)," Pikachu reluctantly replied.

"Chan (Really)?" the Chansey asked, surprised.

"Chu (Yeah)," Pikachu told her, in a tone of voice that implied 'So what's it to you?'

"Chansey, sey chan chan (Room 28B, down the hall)."

"Kachu (Thanks)," Pikachu replied sullenly, and started off down the corridor. As he passed an open door, he heard, "Bulba, bul, bulba bul saur bulbasaur. Saur (Remember, kids, if you feel you are being pressured to evolve, talk to an adult you can trust- and NOT your trainer. He won't understand)."

----------------------------------

The members of Team Rocket were in their meeting room again, sitting around a table and eating instant noodles.

These things never go stale, Giovanni reflected, trying to block out the inane chatter of the Department Heads surrounding him.

"Silence!" he ordered irritably. The Rockets fell silent, except for Jessie and James, who were still chattering away about something. Giovanni glared at them, and they shut up too.

They all sat in silence for a good three minutes or so before Stephanie finally said, "So, what are we going to do tonight, Boss?"

"The same thing we do every night, Stephanie," Giovanni replied, with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "Try to take over the world!"

There was a pause, after which James was heard to grumble, "Aww, I'd hoped that we were renting a movie."


End file.
